The Goatherder’s Guide to the Universe

The Goatherder’s Guide to the Universe

Commentary by: Bill the Butcher

And God said, “Let there be light!” And there was light! Unfortunately, that light did not penetrate the human consciousness.

God created man, man created theology, and theology begat religion. When man looked up at the sky and asked, “How?” It only goes to follow that the next question was, “Why?” And this is a good thing because the third question is, “Why not?” And then choices are introduced. God, in order to be God must be omnipotent. I’ve already written about man’s inability to understand timelessness. We don’t understand the time before time because we simply don’t have the ability to understand it. It’s not in the DNA.

All absolutes are destined to fail because we can’t form, or even understand an absolute. Only God can do that and God, to be God simply has to be One because if there is more than One it is no longer God, but Gods, and if there are God’s then who, or what created them and called them together? For that you need theology and to impose theology on man you have to homogenize it and call it religion. Then you have absolutes, the brainchild of priests, prophets, and pedophiles. Let us pray!

All the Abrahamic religions are rife with absolutes. If you are a dedicated adherent of any of these the wall of absolution is a wall you must climb. For the people with inquiring minds my use of the word “absolution” was not a misprint.

When you run up against an absolute that you simply cannot get around a Priest, Rabbi, or Imam will be happy to temporarily suspend that absolute by giving you their particular flavor of absolu-TION!

While man cannot fathom absolutes he can accept belief, and if he, or she is devout enough they will develop faith. The acceptance of the absolutes. This follows the limits of the human inability to walk on the waters of scripture. And all scripture must be explained by “someone” who has the gift of discernment, the ability to clear the mists of confusion that invariably results from trying to decipher the writings of someone living two thousand years ago who thought fried goat is prime rib. Oh, and that’s only if the scripture is correctly translated from the original language that is as dead as fried chicken!

The simple fact is that most people will formulate their own understanding based on whatever they burn in their crazy minds which boils right down to what they desire, God hope those desires are in line with local laws and customs. Usually they are not, else they wouldn’t be “desired,” now would they? Which watermelon tastes the sweetest?

The human experience is filled with questions without proper answers as we navigate through life. When we seek understanding from someone else, we are looking for that. When the person giving answers have no answers, or do not wish to divulge, they give “absolutes.” And teenage girls get buried up to their necks while people throw rocks at their head for looking good in jeans.

So a certain contingent retreat to no belief. They stare at the stars in the night sky while disavowing the consideration of intelligent design. Because nothing could be more logical. Trust the science. And the Atheists’ main attack? Picking apart the Goat Herder’s Guide to the Universe, if it’s properly translated. Fried chicken!

When Moses came down from the mountain with his best seller common morality was already written on the hearts and in the minds of all those people dancing around that twenty-four carat golden calf, knowing better. There’s one god, can’t lie in court, don’t kill without a license, you can’t marry your sister (Unless you’re the Pharaoh) and the list went on. The list had only ten entries, but the Talmud came along and fixed that! See? God plus Theology, divided by religion equals tithes. Give me ten Hail Marys, two Our Fathers and leave something in the poor box on the way out the door.

And what is religion, really? Now I know a lot of you will condemn me as an atheist, heretic or dare I say it, a Democrat! Au Contrairé. I’m a voice crying in the wilderness, waiting on the “A” train. Only an idiot thinks there is no creative force in the universe simply because they can’t fit the concept in their head. I listen to these idiots every day. I also listen to Ron White, but I wouldn’t want him to marry my sister.

If you apply religion sparingly it can smooth the way. If you find “The Answer,” just remember that’s your answer, not anyone else’s. There are seven billion of you peckerwoods out there and you’re all as different as snowflakes. Not to be confused with California snowflakes which are all pretty much alike. But fitting your religious idea to someone else’s situation is like wearing their shoes. And for God’s sake don’t believe everything I say. I’ve been divorced six times. In Texas I’ve only got one tag left on my “Dear” License and I’m saving it for Miss “Right Now” so if you’re looking to me for advice . . . Give me ten Hail Marys and . . .

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