Bada Bing – Bada BOOM!
Satire By: Bill the Butcher
Just when I think that the human condition can’t get any stupider God comes along and slaps the pee whining hell out of me. I submit, for your edification, the destruction of The Georgia Guidestones.
For those of you who are blissfully ignorant of this monument to the futility of man, the Georgia Guidestones are a series of nineteen foot tombstones commissioned by some hillbilly bunch in Georgia heralding the end of all civilization located in a cow pasture outside of ScrewAll, Georgia. Hence the name Georgia Guidestones. And in Georgia? I would have thought they’d put it in Jerusalem. Right up there on the Temple Mount. That line carved on them about killing off six or seven billion people would fit right into the various religions who lay claim to that place. Then the Israelis could stuff little scraps of paper into the cracks and the Moslems could pray in its direction five or six times a day. But Georgia? I smell whiskey all over this!
Anyway, about four in the morning a grey sedan appeared and shortly thereafter the Guidestones got blown to hell and back. Grey sedan! You’d think it would have been a pickup. An F-150 with a Confederate flag on top of the cab so the FBI counsel call it a hate crime. They like to do that, you know. Helps fill in the blanks when they can’t find a motive.
Nobody got killed. That’s ‘cause nobody was there but Billy Joe Jim Bob who rented the car. And they only had enough C4 to blow up one stone. But they done it good. Blew gravel all over that cow pasture. Damn miracle we even got video of the explosion with all the rocks and cow flop that was a flying.
The monument has inspired many conspiracy theories. One Kandiss Taylor, candidate for Governor down there, even called the stones Luciferian, the Druids did it, promising that if elected she’d do an executive order to get rid of the monument. Don’t laugh. The King of the Executive Order only recently left the White House. President Biden sent a $1,400 check to the city council of Elberton, Georgia, ICE showed up, checking the clean up crew for green cards, and Fauchi advised everyone in Georgia to begin wearing masks again.
And this made national, if not worldwide news. Knocked all the mass shootings and abortions right off the top slot. Then, after the Big Bang, a guy with a back hoe (how Georgian) showed up and pushed the rest of the damn thing over leaving the site looking like Woodstock after everyone ran out of weed. I would have thought they’d use one of them big swinging balls to at least bust ‘em up into little pieces on the way down.
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The loss of this enigma of ignorance has caused a huge vacuum in the consciousness of man. PTSD abounds among the Church of Alex Jones and BlogTalk Radio is a twitter with any number of hosts blaming the Democrats and several government agencies for attacks on the first, second and fourteenth amendment’s. It really couldn’t possibly have anything to do with the fourteenth but it wasn’t doing anything at the time so they just threw that in. The word Stones was banned from Facebook, and calling someone Stoned was considered a crime in California. There was a rumor about Elon Musk buying Stonehenge and moving it to Georgia. Musk was conveniently unavailable for comment, but Boris Johnson said he would consider an offer, and then announced his resignation and put earnest money down on a farm in Southern France. The Rolling Stones changed their name to Falling Stones, and the Georgia Satellites booked their first tour in years.
Then the speculation began. Right away the wing nuts came out saying it was the hand of God via a mighty lightning bolt (on a clear night). While the atheists were pouring ashes over their heads, and the Southern Baptists were dancing in the streets the news media was heralding the loss of what was now being called a historic landmark. I crappith thee not. Right up there with Stonehenge or Devil’s Tower. Never mind the stones were bought and sand blasted by a local undertaker. Forget the fact that it was erected in full view of anyone driving by on that country road. There had to be a deeper meaning. There had to be a reason. And I think I have that figured out.
I think that the owners of the land where the Guidestones had once stood are going to gather up the bits and pieces and bust ‘em up into dime size chunks. Then they’re gonna have Joel Osteen bless ‘em, and sell ‘em as relics complete with a certificate of authenticity to believers who think Donald Trump is gonna win a second term. Every stone equals ten votes! Then, after the site is cleared there will be a team of famous archaeologists who’ll show up, dig, and we’ll finally know where Jimmy Hoffa is buried. And I thought he was stuck in the mud of Lake Mead. Can I have an Amen?
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This article (Bada Bing Bada BOOM!) is republished by contribution with attribution to the author Bill the Butcher and The Butcher Shop.
About The Author: Bill the Butcher is the purveyor of The Butcher Shop which is a collection of independent writers ranging from journalists to op/ed, from conservative to liberal. Whatever cut of literary meat you prefer the Butcher Shop is here to serve.
Images Credit: All in-article images from original article
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I realize many feel that the Georgia Guidestones were darkness, but I think different if one reads these words without first accepting the opinions of others. The words are not dark, but find them in a loving nature for all existence. You may think I am nuts, that is OK, I like nuts. There is always two sides to every thought or belief and have looked at this deeply and without judgement of others. What gives the light a way into these thoughts is the word love and indicates spirituality not darkness. Have you ever heard any one from the WEF, WHO, NWO, etc governments speak the words of love of all, anything spiritual. This inscription “Prize truth – beauty – love – seeking harmony with the infinite”. The infinite means the Creator, God, what you want to call it. Drop your judgements at the door and read through the eyes of love, you may see things very differently. This also tells the people who will live on the earth, don’t make the same mistakes we did. Whoever destroyed the Georgia Guidestones did not like the truth, love, and spirituality shared. Shared in love for all that read this.
Taken from Wiki:
“According to the monument’s sponsors, the inscriptions are meant to guide humanity to conserve nature after a nuclear war, which the creators thought was an imminent threat.The inscriptions dealt with four main themes: “governance and the establishment of a world government, population and reproduction control, the environment and humankind’s relationship to nature, and spirituality.”
The inscription read:
Maintain humanity under 500,000,000 in perpetual balance with nature.
Guide reproduction wisely – improving fitness and diversity.
Unite humanity with a living new language.
Rule passion – faith – tradition – and all things with tempered reason.
Protect people and nations with fair laws and just courts.
Let all nations rule internally resolving external disputes in a world court.
Avoid petty laws and useless officials.
Balance personal rights with social duties.
Prize truth – beauty – love – seeking harmony with the infinite.
Be not a cancer on the Earth – Leave room for nature – Leave room for nature.