Cause I Saw It on TV

Cause I Saw It on TV

Commentary by: Bill The Butcher

What’s a TV, PaPa?”

My youngest grandson, that daaaamn Newbaby, was asking one of those questions that only he can ask. Twelve years old and still doing time, he comes up with these things now and again. He says he’s just “doing the thinking,” but I see he’s just catching his brothers and the rest of the world in all the lies.

So, what was the gist of his question, “What’s a TV?”

Not what’re on TV? Not what do the letters T and V stand for. No! “What the hell IS a TV?”

Well, son, TV stands for Television, one of, if not the biggest assaults on the common intelligence of man since Moses dropped one of the stone tablets and it became Ten instead of fifteen commandments, but ten lined up better with their fingers and toes, now didn’t it?

Makes you wonder how something so simple could be hidden among many other similar things, unnoticed, accepted, but always there, insidious, locked firmly in. The Real Old Man Down The Road!” What with OMG and LOL, you’d think a simple anagram such as TV would be easy to figure out, but it’s not! All other anagrams, those who are into this sort of thing would notice the inner meaning right away. TV =‘TeleVishion. Simple, eh? Well? Not so fast. The pro proper definition of the term would be a word, phrase, or name formed by rearranging the letters of another, such as cinema, formed from iceman. Or, moreover combining of a series of words discerning any thought or process you want it to mean. Real millennial stuff.

But TV? TV was a substance. Not much difference between it, and radio. Just a few pictures. Yeah, I can remember back in the day. Yeah? That day! You wanna know what back in the day really means? When you wish you could be there for any reason at all. Anyway the radio shows would come on and it was all voice actors. They had to sell their voices over the medium of radio sound!

You had to use your mind. As the voices came out into the room, images appeared in your mind, and ideas and solutions appeared. Even a five year old could connect the dots. Most shows we heard were detective shows. Dragnet and such. As I lay there between mom and dad I slowly became a writer.

The main point being is that you had to use your mind. For Baby Boomers that was no big deal, but it was a deep knee bend for millennials and the Zs. . . oh don’t even go there! The very idea of some Z sitting patiently by a radio by a radio collecting clues for the solution to a crime is simply unimaginable.

When TV became a thing, most, if not all people knew that it was all show and tell for entertainment, and turned the damn thing off when The Star Spangled Banner came on. So what does the Banner have to to with anything? Well nothing now, but back in the day? Shut the front door! Which, as more and more useless vocabulary was added to the human experience by those who had No vocabulary we got even more substance abuse listings such as STFU and TTYL. In time you could actually read these in court. Well, not at any of my divorces, but I understand that up North they could cost you your ass, hat, and all your cattle!

There is a formula. Every full page of screen play takes about one minute of action on film. In other words when you see some actress open a creaking door, and ease across a darkened room, while folks like you and me are just wondering why she just doesn’t go buy another cat and forget the one who too dumb to remember where his food bowl is!

So she’s creeping and looking for Kitty Kitty, calling for it, with a pen light for a weapon (Oh God! Where were all these chicks when I was in High School?) There’s the usual creaking floor sound. Then, after the long shot of her horrified eyes, a shot of the killer holding her dead cat by the tail! Bye Falicia!

Right away you can see how this would not have worked on Scoobie Doo. If Scoobie had been on radio it would have been a half hour of “Ruh Roh!” And clitter clatter sound effects. No. Millennials require oodles and oodles of visual effects to amplify the images that are not, or ever been there. And just do you think puts them there? Why the FCC of course. And they are for any Drag Queen Story Time and against any Drag Racing competition that is sponsored by a good shot of whiskey! Wait! It gets worse.

So why does this affect some kid not knowing about TV? OK, hold on, there’s gonna be a test later. Remember when I said how back in the 50’s everyone knew how most everything on radio was scripted and acted in a program? That’s why we all knew Perry Mason would always win in court and Marshall Dillon would always win the gunfight. The problem arouse when the world of myth and reality merged together and became conspiracy theories. And then Clinton said news was entertainment. But, can’t you see? That guy Matt Dillon shot in the streets of Dodge City wasn’t dead. <CUT> Next week on Gunsmoke!

Can you begin to see the problem here. This inclusive attitude where nothing is real, and everything is the same. That guy in Dodge City wasn’t ever dead. And neither were those kids at Sandy Hook. And Alex kept pumping that as long as the pills kept selling, and you, my patriotic Americans kept buying the lie and building the wall. And we saw it in TV!

And you believed. And why did you believe? Remember that word Program?

The planning, scheduling, or performing of a program. : the process of instructing or learning by means of an instructional program. : the process of preparing an instructional program for a device or an understanding. Even God has a plan, a program. Oh . . . My bad. You didn’t believe in God? Oh no. Don’t consider where the leaf came from. Just add more years until you get one. Wait! Don’t smoke that one. It’ll make you feel good, and besides that, God said, “No!” Oh, he didn’t? Well, He if didn’t, well he should’ve, so give us a minute to pencil that in. Let’s see New Improved English Reserved Version.

Where do we go from here? Well, in a word, down. Greek civilization was as good idea. Boom! Rome! And Rome morphed into The Holy Roman Empire until the Muslims turned it into Holy Crap! Then the Renaissance. Ah, the Renaissance! Where men posed nude for statues. Can you just imagine how long sculptor to be to spend all the hours carving that thing. I mean the whole thing from head to toe. Asking for a friend.

So now we in the age of Western Civilization. And everyone hates us. We buy all their phones, watch all their cheap cartoons, and claim they steal all our elections. And they are. They should. Hell! You ain’t voting. Someone has to run the country. So they will. They? Not the Chinese, or Russians. Oh no. The Zs, or whatever they choose to call themselves. And all that you have ever built or dreamed about is just meat for the worm because…

…they Saw it on TV!

Daddy don’t give you what you want . . . daddy gives you what you need

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