Governor Unveils Innovative 37-Step Plan To Reopen State

Governor Unveils Innovative 37-Step Plan To Reopen State Over The Next 10 Years

(U.S.) — With many Americans eager to get back to work, state governors across the country are responding with their plans for giving everyone permission to be normal human beings again. One state governor is enjoying universal acclaim after unveiling his own innovative plan for getting his state reopened. 

The new plan is called ‘Our Vision for Health, Safety, Virtue, and Eternal Peace’ and is a 37-step, 10-year plan for slowly opening up sections of the state economy. It reads as follows:

1. Form an exploratory committee to consult various experts on reopening things
2. Set date to hear recommendations from the exploratory committee
3. Create a panel of experts to explore the recommendations recommended by the exploratory committee
4. Build a brand new website to post exploratory committee recommendations for public comment
5. Discuss feedback from health experts over catered seafood lunch
6. Wait 4 weeks to see if catered seafood lunch led to any additional COVID infections
7. Hire commission to gauge the effectiveness of collaboration over catered seafood lunches
8. Take away all the guns
9. Announce a 12-phase reopening of the economy, starting with the businesses with the best lobbyists
10. Begin Phase 1
11. Form a new committee to review the effectiveness of Phase 1 before moving on to Phase 2
12. Order more drones from China and post them in front of every hair salon
13. Draft new legislation to allow voting by show of hands over Facebook live
14. Announce reopening of all golf courses in close proximity to the statehouse
15. Hold public hearings on the effectiveness of implementation of Phase 1
16. Repeat parts 1-15 until all 12 phases are completed
17. Form an exploratory committee to research alternate food sources now that catered seafood no longer available
18. Draft legislation allowing people to eat squirrels and possums
19. Overturn squirrels and possums legislation after animal rights groups protest
20. Hire animal rights groups to enforce the overturning of the legislation in order to protect squirrels and possums
21. Introduce tax bill to fund arming all police officers with harpoon guns and spears
22. Strengthen the security of governors mansion with sniper towers and tiger pits
23. …Maybe also a moat around the governor’s mansion
24. More drones from China, maybe bigger ones
25. Pass new legislation to fund hiring more enforcers to enforce things
26. Build checkpoints across the state to distribute milk and guzzoline
27. Create jobs by hiring welders to install armor plating on police cars
28. (redacted)
29. (redacted)
30. (redacted)
31. (redacted)
32. (redacted)
33. (redacted)
34. (redacted)(redacted)(redacted)(redacted)(redacted)(redacted)
35. (Super-secret surprise to be determined later)
36. Open the rest of the economy
37. Gladiator games anyone?

Other states have announced they will wait 10-15 years to judge the effectiveness of this 37 part plan before releasing their own plans. The only exception is Texas, whose governor simply said, “We’re open, y’all!” 

(BabylonBee)

*********

(TLB) published this article without getting permission, nor do we have any intention of getting anyone’s OK to run with it. Ya nap, ya loose Skippy!

Click on this link to view other articles The Liberty Beacon nabbed and hid filed under Humor/Satire

••••

••••

Stay tuned to …

••••

The Liberty Beacon Project is now expanding at a near exponential rate, and for this we are grateful and excited! But we must also be practical. For 7 years we have not asked for any donations, and have built this project with our own funds as we grew. We are now experiencing ever increasing growing pains due to the large number of websites and projects we represent. So we have just installed donation buttons on our websites and ask that you consider this when you visit them. Nothing is too small. We thank you for all your support and your considerations … (TLB)

••••

Comment Policy: As a privately owned web site, we reserve the right to remove comments that contain spam, advertising, vulgarity, threats of violence, racism, or personal/abusive attacks on other users. This also applies to trolling, the use of more than one alias, or just intentional mischief. Enforcement of this policy is at the discretion of this websites administrators. Repeat offenders may be blocked or permanently banned without prior warning.

••••

Disclaimer: TLB websites contain copyrighted material the use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. We are making such material available to our readers under the provisions of “fair use” in an effort to advance a better understanding of political, health, economic and social issues. The material on this site is distributed without profit to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving it for research and educational purposes. If you wish to use copyrighted material for purposes other than “fair use” you must request permission from the copyright owner.

••••

Disclaimer: The information and opinions shared are for informational purposes only including, but not limited to, text, graphics, images and other material are not intended as medical advice or instruction. Nothing mentioned is intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.