Suppose They Threw an Election and Nobody Came

Suppose They Threw an Election and Nobody Came

Satire by: Bill the Butcher

The bars were all closed on Election Day

My dad never voted. He figured out in 1947 that is was all bokem and boz. His main contention was the bars were all closed on Election Day. At seventy years old I’m beginning to see my dad’s wisdom. Don’t you find it amazing that Donald Trump made so much hay pointing out a fact that every guy hanging out at the barber shop already knew. Are the elections rigged? Why hell yeah they’re rigged! Why do you think the politicians keep winning them?

I Have a Dream

But, we can all dream, you know? Just like the prophet Merle Haggard told us When the president goes through the White House door, and does what he said he’d do, we’ll all be drinking that free bubble up, and eating that rainbow stew! You know the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result. Like remarrying an ex-wife.

But, the American people keep marrying her again, and again. First, they try the Democrats. Then, after four to eight years they yell, “Oh hell no,” and switch to Republicans. Takes ‘em eight to twenty years to get untangled from whatever war they start, and they vote the Democrats back in, and the whole thing starts all over again!

The Blue Wave

The Democrats came into power this last time in what they called a Blue Wave. Actually, it was more like a backed up sewer. Right away they began taking credit for all the things Trump had put into place in what would have been his first term, but they did make gas prices great again though. Nobody could afford to drive to Disneyland, and due to COVID it was closed anyway. By the time it opened back up Donald Duck was having an affair with Mickey Mouse, but we couldn’t say anything about it because we didn’t know the proper pronoun. You know in Texas we had a saying It’s FRIDAY! Screw a duck, but we didn’t think anyone would actually do it! But, I digress.

Whiskey Therapy

Amber Alert!

On the international front Greta Thunberg came out as a communist yesterday. (This is my surprised face!) She’s of age of consent now so I can legally say I’d like to pour three or four shots of Jim Beam in her just to see what comes out the other end. Hey! What you lookin’ at? I’m from Austin!

Anyway the voter turnout in any election is pitiful at best. But, on the positive side I saw three hundred and fifty new voters coming over the Mexican border into Texas just in time to register. Pretty sure they weren’t Republicans. I found it amazing that buses were already there waiting for them. Who would have known?

Gotta Wait Til The Fat Lady Sings

Now think about this. Just for gits and grins, why don’t we all get together for once and nobody vote. Yeah! I mean it. You get a day off to vote, just don’t do it, stay home, get drunk wait to see what the numbers look like after the polls close. Oh, there’ll be numbers, statistics, and the usual fat black lady telling the news reporter about how repressed she is. And when it’s all over there’ll be a bunch of recounts and charges of voter fraud. But you know what? Maybe, just maybe, the American people will begin to see who the real frauds are!




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