AOC Proposes Radical New Green Energy Program: Shoveling Money Directly Into a Furnace
Possibly AOC’s best green energy idea since the Recursive Power Strip
WASHINGTON, DC (AP) – Democrat congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez held a press conference at which she proposed a “radical new green energy program”. Calling it the “ultimate renewable,” Ocasio-Cortez proposed that freshly-printed $1 bills be shoveled directly into furnaces to provide American with cheap, plentiful electricity.
The Representative from New York’s 14th district discussed the origin and benefits of her proposal.
“I was sitting there writing a bill to fund, like, a huge new green energy program,” said Ocasio-Cortez, “when I realized how wasteful it was. We give money to people and they turn it into, um, like, wind panels and solar turbines or whatever, and then we get electricity. Then it occurred to me – what if there were a way to turn money directly into energy? It’d be so much more efficient! I don’t know why no one else ever thought of that!”
“It’s a very green idea,” Ocasio-Cortez said. “Like, money is made out of paper, which comes from trees, and trees are a renewable resource, just like sunlight and batteries! And what with all these coal plants shutting down because, like, we’re almost out of coal now, I thought maybe they could burn something else instead of coal – like money. Or we could just look into planting more coal trees. I don’t know why no one else ever thought of that.”
“Anyway, so we can just shovel in one dollar bills, which would be like – bonus! – an amazing green job in itself,” continued the freshman Congresswoman. “I guess we could put other bills in there, too, like $20s, but I think those cost 20 times as much to make, which is weird, because they’re the same size. I think it’s because Jackson’s head is so much bigger than Washington’s.”
“The sad part,” concluded Ocasio-Cortez, “is that, like, even though this is a genius idea – I don’t know why no one else ever thought of it – I don’t think Trump will sign it, because I wrote it, and Trump hates colored people of color.”
On his Twitter account, President Trump did, indeed, threaten to veto the bill if it made it to his desk, although he also complimented it, saying “this takes money and turns it into smoke and ash. Biggest return on investment I’ve ever seen from a Democrat bill.”
[IMAO Ace Reporter Frank J. contributed to this story]
A word of Caution: These people are Unfair, Unbalanced and Unmedicated.
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