I Wanna Be Crazy Like Alex Jones
Satire by: Bill the Butcher
From gay frogs to homeopathic Viagra
From gay frogs to homeopathic Viagra, Alex Jones has left his mark on Texas, if not the world. Well, not a mark maybe, more like a cow paddie, but he left it! And several days ago the train pulled into the station and Alex disembarked. A video shows Alex sitting there with his face hanging out while the attorney for the plaintiffs hands him a forty million dollar beer tab.
The integrity of a divorce lawyer
Streams of testimony showed that Infowars had about the investigative integrity of a divorce lawyer in Bell County, Texas. Alex had tried to dig up the graves of the children killed in the Sandy Hook event in a vain attempt to prove they weren’t really there, and told inquiring minds that the entire mess was just a ploy to take everybody’s guns away, and convert all the frogs to LBGTQ and “F.” I’m paraphrasing here.
But, Jones’ words had a lot of effect. No matter how preposterous, no matter how lame brained, Alex Jones disciplines would rally to the cause up to and including running up to Connecticut, and shooting at the home of the parents of a child killed at Sandy Hook! Yee Haw!
Everything is bigger in Texas
What made the Infowars house of cards fall like the Twin Towers was that due to an agreement between the lawyers (Now there’s an oxymoron if I ever saw one) Jones’ lawyer was supposed to turn over certain texts to the lawyer bringing the suit for the parents. Ever heard that everything is bigger in Texas? Why shucks! Why give just a few nondescript texts when you can hand over the whole dang shooting match? Heck! It’s easier! Time for a beer. It’s Friday on 6th Street! Highlight, select all, send . . . bye Falicia!
Of course Alex tried to convert the whole thing into a segment on his show, but the judge kept shutting him down. Her husband might be on some of those pills or she might own a gay frog.
Sitting on the stand with his face hanging out
End result that it left Alex sitting on the stand with his face hanging out while said attorney handed him his rump! Boy! He’s really gonna need one of his pills after that one. Now, I’d just like to say that if some Yankee lawyer got hold of my texts for the last two years, and started reading them in court to some lady judge I’d just be on the next bus for Mexico. We’ve all sinned, and fallen short of the glory, if you know what I mean. But, it’s kinda like being a songwriter in Nashville, when some guy’s in a corner crying, and writing a song called I can almost smell her hair, while everybody’s behind him laughing their heads off! Life’s rough out in the west, Alex!
Will the wolf survive?
Will the wolf survive? Robert Tilton did! Charlatans have an uncanny way of rising from the dead. They make their bones making their adherents believe the unbelievable. If they bought Alex 1.0 what makes you think they won’t buy Alex 2.0? They buy the pills, don’t they?
How many stupid people there are in the world
What’s gonna amaze you is when Alex writes a forty sum odd million dollar check. Then you’ll see how much Infowars has “informed” so many stupid people out there, and in the words of the Prophet George Carlin, when you realize how many people are stupider than that! This is what I’ve been trying tell you! Just look around at all the people, on whatever news channel, running for whatever political office, selling you whatever pill . . . Heeeere’s their sign!
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The above article (I Wanna Be Crazy Like Alex Jones) is republished by contribution with attribution to the author Bill the Butcher and The Butcher Shop.
About The Author: Bill the Butcher is the purveyor of The Butcher Shop which is a collection of independent writers ranging from journalists to op/ed, from conservative to liberal. Whatever cut of literary meat you prefer the Butcher Shop is here to serve.
Image Credit: Photo in Featured Image (top) – Alex Jones DC Press Conference 2018 – licensed under Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 4.0 International & In-Article image of Alex Jones in court, screen captures from YouTube video (image from original article)
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