Preface by: TLB
Mother’s Day is a special day because of the unrivaled bond between mother and child. Regardless of our gender or age this bond remains and comforts us through many a rough spot in our lives. We literally owe these women our lives … So on this special day we show our appreciation for their sacrifices and love that helped us to become what we all are today.
What follows is some Mother’s Day humor, facts and sentiments to help celebrate this day … We at TLB hope you enjoy this presentation, and we wish all you Mothers a very special and loving day !!!
Ten Amusing One-Liners and Interesting Facts About Mothers
- I’d like to be the ideal mother, but I’m too busy raising my kids.
- 80.5 million are the number of mothers of all ages in the USA.
- 81% of women between 40 and 44 are mothers.
- Women expect to have 2 children in their lifetime.
- Working mothers are guinea pigs in a scientific experiment to show that sleep is not necessary to human life.
- Parents often talk about the younger generations as if they didn’t have anything to do with it.
- A mother’s role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car forever after. – Peter De Vries
- God could not be everywhere and therefore he made mothers. – A Jewish Proverb
- There is only one pretty child in the world, and every mother has it. – Chinese Proverb
- A man loves his sweetheart the most, his wife the best, but his mother the longest. – Irish Proverb
The Stages Of Motherhood
4 Years Of Age – My mummy can do anything.
8 Years Of Age – My mum knows a lot.
12 Years Of Age – My mother doesn’t really know quite everything.
14 Years Of Age – Naturally, mother doesn’t know that, either.
16 Years Of Age – Mother? She’s hopelessly old-fashioned.
18 Years Of Age – That old woman? She’s way out of date.
25 Years Of Age – Well, she might know a little bit about it.
35 Years Of Age – Before we decide, let’s get mum’s opinion.
45 Years Of Age – Wonder what mum would have thought about it.
65 Years Of Age – Wish, I could talk it over with Mum.
A Mother of a Small Boy Says
- A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house, 4 inches deep.
- A 3-year old boy’s voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
- When you hear the toilet flush and the words ‘uh oh’, it’s already too late.
- Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
- A six-year old boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old Man says they can only do it in the movies.
- Certain Lego’s will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old Boy.
- Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.
- Super glue is forever.
- No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can’t walk on water.
- Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
- Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
- Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
- You probably DO NOT want to know what that odour is.
- The fire department in Austin, Texas has a 5-minute response time.
- The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
- It will, however, make cats dizzy.
- Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
- 80% of men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.
- Women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or without permission.
Subject: What My Mother Taught Me
- My mother taught me RELIGION.
“You’d better pray that will come out of the carpet.”
- My mother taught me TIME TRAVEL.
“If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you into the middle of next week!”
- My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
“Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you’re in an accident.”
- My mother taught me IRONY.
“Keep crying, and I’ll give you something to cry about.”
- My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
“Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!”
- My mother taught me about WEATHER.
“This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.”
- My mother taught me about ENVY.
“There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don’t have wonderful parents like you do.”
- My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
“Just wait until we get home.”
- My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
“You are going to get it when you get home!”
- My mother taught me HUMOUR.
“When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me.”
- My mother taught me WISDOM.
“When you get to be my age, you’ll understand.”
- My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
“One day you’ll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you”.
Our parting shot …
All images added by TLB.
This content was originally created and published by Mother’s Day Jokes and is republished here under “Fair Use” (see disclaimer below) with attribution to Mother’s Day Jokes . Visit Mother’s Day Jokes for more great content.
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