The Intrinsic Value of a Good Country Ass Whoopin’

The Intrinsic Value of a Good Country Ass Whoopin’

By: Bill the Butcher

I read an article today from a parent who had, and I Quote, A Mean Daughter who is tearing apart the family. It was so so until I read one line. I’m of the mind that your daughter may need some professional help. Ever try to baptize a cat? Well, that’s how mad I got.

Everything else in the article was money, marbles, and chalk. We have one of these in our family. Let’s call him Justin because that’s his name. Every time one of these Z, or X or Y’s (You can’t say they’re an XY because they don’t know which restroom to use) gets flipped out some “therapist” suggests counseling. Counselors make money, state makes money, CPS makes money and the kid’s still crazy after all these years. I have a solution!

There is an intrinsic value to some old and established methods used down throughout history on children who’s mother should have sat on them when they were born. After seeing this play out many times I now believe in abortion before conception. You heard me right. I didn’t speak in Swahili!

They should have hung Doctor Spock. In the street for all the people to see. Now we can’t find enough rope to hang all the transgender teachers. Five year olds deciding to change genders. On what planet does that make any sense? When I was five years old I was in love with Tinkerbelle!

The solution? An inexpensive object on and about the head and shoulders of the child in a selective manner until the child is incapable of speech. If that fails, take a stout leather belt and strike smartly upon the buttocks until fecal matter appears, and if that fails lock them in the basement until the National Enquirer shows up and does an exposé. After that publishes the CPS will most likely remove the child (for free) and after they let you out you will not be allowed five hundred yards from any child, and you may thank God for that!

Lyndon Johnson destroyed the black family with his “Great Society” and it worked its way right up to the white folks. Now our most confused holiday is Father’s Day. When man buns appeared testicles disappeared, and never shall the twine reunite. Get it? Twain, two testicles? Anyway.

And how do they get this smart mouth in today’s public schools. Most Zs don’t know there are fifty states or that we live in North America. And they can’t look in their pants and figure out if they’re an innie or an outie! But they sure know what Tik Tok is. Some pretty boy from Korea singing over and over again “I got a booger on my nose, ha ha ha ha ha!” Girls laughing like he’s Richard Pryor.

And they cruise their parents’ house like a predator. Tearing stuff up, stealing wallets and purses and masturbating in the den. And we worry that someone may kidnap them? Jesus Christ sitting next to God Almighty waiting on us to show up naked.

But from the pages of the Holy DSM we are told to just give ‘em more rope and by and by perhaps we will die and the Chinese will come. And they will strike them on or about the head and shoulders with an inexpensive object. A hoe. Yeah. I like that. A hoe for a Ho.

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