If It Looks Like a Canary, Could Be an Alligator

If It Looks Like a Canary, Could Be an Alligator

By: Bill The Butcher

What would have been comical back in ‘69 has now become front page news with backup from every whackadoodle who graduated Wassa Matta U! And reinforced by law!! Back in the day The Beatles made a lot of hay by growing their hair over their ears and using the same three chords over and over again. Well, the hair got longer and the people growing it have Gender Dysphoria.

We are being exposed to many new interpretations of the human sexual experience. Time was there were three genders: Male, Female, and Queer. Identifying the first two was fairly simple. One was an “innie” and the other an “outie.” Then there was the third which amounted to an misunderstanding of the basic principles ie two “outies” get together and perform an abomination.

By and large this behavior was frowned upon in varying degrees depending on the culture involved from a fine to throwing them off a ten story building to see if them fairies could fly! Most of them did not.

Time and tears went by and the closets began to open and someone let the dogs out. That someone being the Supreme Court when they made an opinion that caused the great wedding cake war of 2015 and put urinals in the girls’ restrooms.

From that point on it was Katie bar the door, or Fred, or whomever, but the result was that nobody has shut the front door yet! With the advent of the transgender community the possibilities are endless. The fact remains that the human race is mostly equally divided with roughly half being born with one hole and the remainder receiving two.

The number of genders has exploded. I thought sixty-nine was a ridiculous number until California got involved. The explanation rivaled that of the Big Bang theory with ever expanding ideas of who to screw, how to screw, and when to screw ballooning exponentially in every restroom in America.

Combined with this was the salutations war. You must address persons (provided they identify as a person) by whatever gender they burn in their crazy mind. If they think that they are an alien with five vaginas and three penises you must address them as a WhatChaMayCallit or you might get jail time and a hefty fine! I crappith thee not.

Oh for the days of Truman Capote and Paul Lynde! But, like a record made of wax, it ain’t never coming back. Understanding one’s attractions can be daunting. When I was eight years old I was in love with Tinkerbelle. I think it was a domination thing. From there I moved on to Tuesday Weld and then to five or six ex-wives, but I generally kept my desires Ying and Yang. In high school there was a small contingent of boys that consistently wore eye makeup. All their fathers had been deployed to Germany for three years with their families, and their sons came back wearing makeup. So much for the master race!

The choice of a choice is a personal choice that shouldn’t be discussed with anyone except the chosen providing that he, she, or it is agreeable at the time. The best birth control in the world is wedding cake. My apologies for using the word chosen. I was not casting aspersions on the hit series. You gotta be careful these days.

Whatever gender you may be if you aren’t a member of the big two you are a very small percentage of the whole. While you’re in the street marching the rest off America is at home drinking beer. Modelo not Bud Light just to make things clear. The issue is to stay in your lane. No amount of therapy or religion will make you change your stripes, no matter how many stripes of whatever color grace your flag. Austin has a very multi-cultural environment and any Austinite knows they make the best waiters and hairdressers. Live and let live. Gay men may trigger you, but you must admit that their abortion rate is astonishingly low. You take the good with the bad.

This too will pass. In due time the majority of people will go back to their bar, gay or straight, and life will return to normal. What we don’t want is allowing six year olds to make physical life changing choices. All kids want to be something they aren’t and all cows want the other grass. So, settle down, have a beer or a Shirley Temple as we wait for the next big thing.

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