TLB Note: This article is not intended in any fashion to poke fun at, or denigrate, actual mentally handicapped (Down syndrome, ADHD, Autism, Dementia, Alzheimers, etc…) individuals. The word Retard should never be associated with these individuals as it is an incorrect and unfair description often used as a general term of abuse. TLB works very hard to give a true voice to all who suffer cognitive dysfunctions or mental handicaps … The article below is Satire!
Recurring Trump Acceptance Resistance Disorder (RETARD)
PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT:
Are You Suffering From ‘RETARD’?
Recurring Trump Acceptance Resistance Disorder (RETARD) is a pattern of pathologically dissociative and psychotic behavior, first observed in the late hours of November 8th 2016, and increasing in severity with passing time.
Sufferers of RETARD often exhibit pronounced cognitive dissonance, sudden bouts of rage, uncontrollable crying, suicidal ideation, and extreme sadness.
People with RETARD are characterized by a persistent unwillingness to accept that Donald Trump is going to Make America Great Again.
Individual sufferers often display signs of paranoia and delusion; in acute cases psychotic episodes have been observed.
RETARD is different from being upset about the results of the 2016 presidential election; People with RETARD are unwilling or unable to accept reality, despite irrefutable evidence.
According to the DSM-V, individuals with RETARD exhibit most or all of the following symptoms:
Telling others they are moving to Canada
Fixated on fantasies about the Electoral College
Protesting an election no credible source contests the outcome of
Exclamations that “Someone” should do “Something”
Acute change in demeanor from pompous and arrogant to fearful and combative
Claim that anyone who disagrees with them is some combination of Racist, Sexist, Bigoted, Homophobic, and actually some sort of Hitler persona
Causes and Mechanisms:
RETARD was directly caused by the election of Donald Trump as President of the United States of America.
For many, both in America and worldwide, this was a shocking and unexpected outcome; their preferred news sources having failed to inform them that the alternative candidate was a criminal parasite in such ill health she got chucked into the back of a van like a kidnap victim.
Diagnosis of RETARD is straightforward.
Ask the patient if Donald Trump is going to be the Next President of the United States of America.
Some patients will become agitated, and may attempt to deflect.
It’s critical you press them on the issue, even if they start babbling about ‘muh triggers’.
A sufferer of RETARD will begin to ramble incoherently, often displaying three or more of the symptoms within a short period of time.
The only known effective treatment is exposure therapy.
The patient must be repeatedly exposed to reality, and should wear a “Make America Great Again” hat as long as they are able to tolerate it.
Each exposure should increase in length, after a week the patient should be encouraged to be seen in public wearing the MAGA hat.
Coach the patient to refer to Donald Trump as President-Elect Trump.
Patients with RETARD are very resistant to treatment, and dangerous in large groups.
Any possibility of treatment requires that they be separated from their hive-mind support apparatus; they cannot begin the process of accepting reality in the presence of encouragement towards delusion and irrationality.
Separation may require the assistance of law enforcement.
If you have a friend or loved one suffering from RETARD …
Urge them to seek treatment immediately!
By TLB Staff Writer: Dan Asmussen