Where’s Ma Ferguson When We Need Her?

Where’s Ma Ferguson When We Need Her?

Miriam Amanda Wallace “Ma” Ferguson was an American politician who served two non-consecutive terms as the governor of Texas: from 1925 to 1927, and from 1933 to 1935. She was the first female governor of Texas, and one of the first two women to be governor of any U.S. state, along with Nellie Tayloe Ross. (Wikipedia)

By: Bill the Butcher

Brother Theo and I are the odd couple. I’m a dyed in red Republican, and Ted is a Food Stamps for everybody, tigers should be able to marry chairs, dead baby in every pot Democrat! Actually, since the advent of Joe Biden he calls himself a progressive.

We have been writing together since 1969. You do the math, I’m still looking for my glasses. Suffice to say that in all that time, collaborating on various bits of literature, we’ve come to several agreements concerning the national situation.

Now Ted’s a psychologist. You haven’t lived until you drive through the Escalanté Desert listening to a retired psychologist explain the sexual orientation of Ted Bundy. By the time we got to Texline, Texas I was actually beginning to like Ted Bundy!

But, through all the wheres and therefore of our differences of opinion we’ve actually come up with some answers that I’m gonna share with you. And, in the process I’m gonna explain to you the whys, wheres, and directions of the American condition, and it ain’t pretty, so strap in, make a drink, smoke a joint, or do whatever rocks your boat the rapids are straight ahead

Why do we shoot little kids in school houses?

Now that’s a good question. If you will note, Billy the Kid never shot up any schools. He was actually good when he was in school. I understand he was a fantastic dancer, spoke two languages, and played croquet. Had a bit of a problem with shooting sheriffs and deputies, but by Texas standards he was a good ol’ boy. So why do we have all these kids shooting up the school house?

Well, in a word, they crazy! But, that’s just part of the problem. It’s not illegal to be crazy, just look at Joe Biden, but even the LBGTQs draw a line when it comes to dragging an AR-15 into Miss Gonzales’ history class.

Now, I’m gonna segway back to Republicans v Democrats. Nobody is born one or the other. One believes in God, mom, and hot apple pie, and the other. . . well, their mamas never liked them. But, we’re all Americans and we all have freedom of speech (not in a Texas bar) and differences of opinion makes the world go ‘round. Republicans blame the shooter and Democrats blame the gun. Both have sound points. If there were no guns the kids wouldn’t have gotten shot. If someone had knocked the shooter in the head before he entered the school the kids wouldn’t have gotten shot. See? Both sides have the same goal, just different methods.

So where’s the common ground? You must understand that when someone goes into a school and starts shooting little kids there’s a bit more in play here than he ran out if Cheerios that morning. The forces in a person’s mind that drives him to do such a thing are complex, and get more complex with time.

Back in the day Ronald Reagan took it upon himself to free all the folks that found themselves in the crazy house and sent them with cardboard signs to the street corner in Anywhere, USA. Fact check that, will you. They left room on that corner for our veterans, too. Then they rewrite the DSM I, II, and III to coincide with the new understanding of various maladies that vex the human condition. A perfect example being the transformation of pedophilia to minor attraction. If you like your little girl, you can keep your little girl.

And before long you had at least two generations that thought this was normal. Until Columbine. You can fact check that too. I just love fact checking, don’t you? I’m not going to list all the school shootings here. But, I will say that they are the wing-nuts’ shooting of choice, and if you’re into numbers just click here. Why are they so popular? No security to speak of, lots of targets, and you don’t have to give ‘em as much lead. Shocked? Well, you should be!

And every time we have one of these, the politicians start going on and on about gun control, or more guns for more people, and we all wait for the next shooting. They need to shoot that elephant in the school library. The one hiding behind that book on mental health!

Nobody gets crazy all at once. It takes time to cook a nut to well done, and there’s a process. There are signs that the subject in question in two bubbles short to plum, and Robb elementary is just one bubble away. But to ascertain this you have to have a psychologist who is not as crazy as the patient. Right now we don’t have that!

Right now we have councilors. Either licensed or not, we have so called professionals who will listen to all manner of insane ramblings from some whack-a-doodle describing all manner of mayhem after which they will prescribe some psychotropic drug guaranteed to send him down to the school with seven hundred and fifty rounds to ruin twenty-one families. And, I believe in Jesus, but I’m not an idiot, and you can’t bring those kids and their teachers back!

We no longer have adequate treatment for those suffering from mental illness. Uncle Ronnie took care of that. And, we no longer have a place to put those who are a danger to themselves and others. To hell with them focus on others! And while most schizophrenics are harmless it only takes one. That’s one too many folks. Might be time to reverse the trend.

Gun control is not the answer. Oh sure, once someone has a dangerous mental history for God’s sake don’t sell them a gun! Make ‘em buy their gun from some homeboy down the street. See the flaw? You will never rid America of all the guns and it only takes one! Remember the one. That’s important! Outlaw AR-15s and he’ll just use a pistol. If he can’t find a gun he’ll use a knife, a baseball bat, or his hands because the problem is in his head!

Ask yourself. Other than saying that we had to address mental health did Governor Abbott do anything about mental health? Did he begin the long march to address those hundreds, if not thousands under treatment right now? You know he didn’t. He was too busy in Uvaldé making sure of his re-election. They threw Beto out in the street where he addressed for the news reporters exactly what we’re seeing right now! But saying that Abbott is gonna address mental health sounds good. And without this scandal Gregg Abbott would have rode that wheel chair all the way to the White House. God Bless ‘Murrica!


Red flag laws. I can already hear it. Verily verily I say unto you The only people against red flag laws are people who ought to have red flags! Of course we should have freedom of speech, but when you go on Facebook and announce your intention to shoot up a school you need to be locked up until Jesus comes back! Straight there, don’t pass “Go” and don’t collect two hundred dollars.

Competent mental health care. Not Doctor Phil! Real doctors, with real solutions, with real alternatives for dealing with sociopaths who voice violence during therapy. Some disorders can be worked with, but there are some that have no cure. We have to accept that. Or we will continually have Sandy Hook, Columbine and Uvaldé! That’s your choices! It’s as simple as that. So the next time little Johnny is masturbating and thinking about his sister he needs to take his thumb, stick it up his butt, and if he likes that feeling just keep talking and we’ll send you there. And little Tess will be home eating burritos with her family!

Grandpappy told my pappy, “Back in my day son, when a man had to answer for the wicked he done. Take all the rope in Texas, find a tall oak tree, round up all of them bad boys, hang ‘em right in the street. For all the people to see!” – Willie Nelson

Are you tired of all the out of control crime by all them poor, disadvantaged folks who just can’t seem to get it together? Do you like strangers showing up at your door at two in the morning asking to use the phone? How about your friendly Drag Queen down at the public library showing your five year old grandson all the latest new fashions if the little fella ever options for a dickendectomy?

You don’t like those things? Step right up and buy a bottle of Mr. Bill’s Cure for Crime. Once upon a time there was this couple from Dallas. We’ll just call them Bonnie and Clyde. They went helter skelter around Texas robbing small stores and gas stations. Actually they didn’t rob that many banks, that was Dillinger what done that, but they generally robbed mom and pop general stores and shooting people like the guy whose car they were stealing in Temple, Texas while he was having dinner with his family. Of course, Hollywood put the pizzazz on the two young lovers and Bonnie and Clyde became the stuff of legend.

More solutions

Now for the 411. Enter the Right, Honorable Miriam Ferguson, Governor of Texas, affectionately known as “Ma.” After the rowdy duo broke a bunch of prisoners out of a Texas prison she came up with a retirement plan tailored especially for them.

She called on retired Texas Ranger Frank Hamer. Actually all the Texas Rangers had been retired as the Texas Legislature struggled to find a kinder, gentler way of dealing with people like Bonnie and Clyde. But, as history will record, Frank and his band of Merry Men went over to Louisiana and blew their heads clean off! Bonnie was sitting in the passenger seat twerking better than Mylie Cyrus. Ruined a perfectly good V8 Ford. (See below)Thus ended the saga of Bonnie and Clyde. All but the movies which were a box office smash. Oh, side note: The FBI was in Corpus Christi checking to see if Clyde was surfing when the shots rang out. Jus’ Sayin’.

Well, friends and neighbors were back to reasoning with criminals again. I hate to be the first one to tell you this but some men are just bad men, and the whores ain’t ladies! Much effort and millions of dollars get used up trying to understand criminals. The reason Billy Joe Jim Bob killed and raped that college coed is he didn’t get a new bike for his tenth birthday. There’s always a line of reasoning and a price tag, be it your tax money or lives. I’ve seen in my life much simpler solutions and they’re all distasteful. But necessary!

Just like mental health, criminal justice is something that must be addressed. It’s a simple choice. Either we run it, or they run it. There’s more of us than them. Where’s Ma Ferguson when we need her?

And in conclusion. . .

We are a divided nation. Our owners like it that way because as long as we’re looking at each other we won’t be looking at them! That’s how Governor Abbott can throw Beto out of a town hall while Beto was addressing the real issues and Abbott was addressing the polls. Stop, look and listen. Stop looking for the little “r” or little “d” behind somebody’s name, Look at the mess we’re in, and Listen to what the candidates are really saying.

This won’t change overnight. It may not change in my lifetime. But, if we all work together it will change. America will never be the same. Hell, it’s not the same right now. We can’t resurrect the dead of Uvadé, but maybe they can resurrect us!



Meth Heads at a Pawn Shop

As The Lone Star Falls From The Texas Sky

The Poisoned Well


This article (Where’s Ma Ferguson When We Need Her?) is republished by contribution with attribution to the author Bill the Butcher and The Butcher Shop.

About The Author: Bill the Butcher is the purveyor of The Butcher Shop which is a collection of independent writers ranging from journalists to op/ed, from conservative to liberal. Whatever cut of literary meat you prefer the Butcher Shop is here to serve.


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