Ten Reasons to Vote Democrat
Satire (But True) By: Pete McArdle
Regular readers of American Thinker are well aware of all the reasons why anyone with a conscience and a modicum of intelligence should vote Republican on Election Day. But at present, sadly, there appears to be a surfeit of potential U.S. voters lacking a moral center, a working cerebral cortex, or both.
In the interest of fairness, then, I give you ten reasons why you should consider voting Democrat on November 8.
You like your leaders brain-dead and nearly as old as Methuselah.
Among the leaders Democrats have “voted” into office is our senile and incontinent president, Crusty Joe, 80 years old in a month and growing more deeply fried by the day; speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi, age 82, soon to be deposed and, by the looks of her face, already far along in the embalming process; Senator Dianne Feinstein, 89, and rumored to no longer recognize anyone else in the Senate; and Pat “Leaky” Leahy, the 82-year-old president pro tempore of the Senate, whose nickname undoubtedly now has a double meaning. If you think great-grandparents should run anything more complicated than a potato peeler, much less the most powerful country in the world, then vote “D” in a few days, and we’ll all see what happens!
You love paying taxes
If you love giving the government an ever-growing slice of your hard-earned paycheck, then the party of donkeys is the party for you. To paraphrase the Beatles:
If you love a good steak, Dems will tax your meat.
Try to keep your home warm, Dems will tax the heat.
Wanna drive your car? Dems will tax the gas.
Don’t sit down now, pal, Dems will tax your a–.
OK, maybe sitting down is still a non-taxable event. And, yes, perhaps I shouldn’t have given the Dems any ideas.
You want to kill inconvenient babies
Right now, at least in Democrat-run locales like N.Y. and California, you have a full nine months of gestation in which to snuff that unborn and highly inconvenient baby you’re carrying. And if you’re tardy, and only realize when you go into labor that that baby’s just gotta go, you can still kill it on the way out! And should you somehow forget to off your unborn child during gestation and then the doctor botches the “partial-birth abortion,” no less an expert than that blackface-wearing pediatrician, former governor Ralph Northam (D-Coonman) of Virginia, says your damaged newborn should be left to die if you so choose. If you like terminating the most innocent and defenseless among us, elect more Democrats.
You’re a criminal
If doing the crime but not doing any time is your goal, you must vote Democrat. Your own mother doesn’t love you any more than the Democrat party! (And she’s still ticked about the time you stole her Visa card.)
Wherever they’re in power, the Dems are denigrating and handcuffing the police; the liberal D.A.s, many elected thanks to Soros-bucks, are refusing to indict those who would kill, steal, and riot; the liberal judges reserve their righteous indignation for Trump-supporters (see Sullivan, Judge Emmet), not felons; and hive-minded liberal juries (see sham trials, Michael Sussmann and Igor Danchenko) let perps walk based on their feelings and political views. Let me put it this way: if you’re not voting Democrat, you ain’t criminal!
You’re a druggie
If you want to get high, high, high, then it’s imperative you elect Democrats. Let’s face it: both parties have looked the other way on pot for some time now (probably owing to the fact that many lawmakers went to college in the ’60s and ’70s). But now the Democrats in power have radically upped both the number and lethality of your drug choices.
By essentially erasing our southern border, Democrats have abetted and facilitated the flow of fentanyl into the U.S. According to CNN, almost 80,000 Americans died from fentanyl — a drug produced primarily in China — overdoses in 2021.
Democrat-run cities feature addicts shooting up on the sidewalks before defecating in front of stores. Heck, the White House got caught lying about their program providing free crack pipes to addicts. Hunter’s idea, no doubt.
If you want to get hammered, zone out for a while, and then take a dump in the Central Park fountain, before scoring more drugs on the street with impunity, then don’t — I repeat: don’t — vote Republican!
You think you may be a two-spirit, genderqueer femboi
I…can’t, I can’t even…
Just vote Democrat, OK? And stop with the drum circles already.
You like siccing the FBI and IRS on your political opponents
‘Nuff said. “D,” straight ticket.
You hate yourself for being white
To my knowledge, no one, except possibly Michael Jackson, has ever purposely made himself white. You’re born that way.
But if you want to hate yourself for the pale epidermis you were born with, the Dems are definitely the party for you. Want to take on guilt for the actions of your ancestors? No problem!
Pay financial reparations to distant descendants of slaves your distant antecedents may or may not have owned? Why not?
Tell yourself, as per the Lightbringer, that white folks in America are inherently and systemically racist? And that means…
Get therapy, my fellow paleface, and stop hating yourself. If unsuccessful, vote Democrat.
You believe what the media tell you
Where to start? If you believe the absolute BS dished up by the lame-stream media, then you think:
Joe Biden’s brain has not turned to tapioca.
Kamala Harris has a brain.
John Fetterman did just fine in that debate.
The FBI is non-partisan.
Raging inflation, higher taxes, increased governmental regulation, and simply unaffordable energy bills are all good for you.
And, de rigueur, the walls are finally closing in on Trump.
If you believe any of that, mate, I can’t help you. Listen to the vile media sirens, vote Democrat in November, and get what’s coming to you — good and hard!
You hate America
Are you the kind of person who hates your country, your spouse, your family pet gerbil, and yourself? Then strongly consider voting Democrat this fall.
Democrats hate lots of things and are always looking for new things to hate from America’s past. You want to rewrite history, ban words, and pull down statues you don’t agree with?
Judge other generations from your lofty perch in your parents’ garage?
Whine about how great other countries’ government-run health care systems are, while people from all over the globe travel to America at great expense for cutting-edge diagnosis and treatment?
Yes? Then step right up and vote “D.”
God forbid we make America great again.
The above article (Ten Reasons to Vote Democrat) was created and published by American Thinker and is republished here under “Fair Use” (see disclaimer below) with attribution to the articles author Pete McArdle and americanthinker.com.
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