The Loss Of Texas’ National Identity
Commentary/Satire by: Bill the Butcher
There was a time, long long ago in a land far far away that there was a place called Texas. It was its own nation. People came from many lands to live there. There was land, and cows, and The Texas Cowboy Cheerleaders. And life was good.
Texans were simple folk. Girls were girls, men were men, and the sheep were nervous. But, then some in Texas thought they had a better idea. They eyed the adjacent Republic, and imagined a world where all were one. Texas could join up with that place and the angels would sing, the skies would be blue and God would rest contently in His heaven.
So in 1845 Texas entered into an unholy union with the United States of America. Now, if you are from somewhere like Nebraska your home turf started out as a territory. Well, it actually started as Indian land but there seemed a little problem down at the Land Exchange and that closing never happened. In the words of the Prophet, Ralphie May, after the Indians were “relocated” and started casinos their rain dance became, “We take all the white man’s money for what he did to our country,” but that’s for another article.
Texas had a national identity. It was never a territory. Texas’ idea was to be a boyfriend to America, selling it gas, and baby formula and Big Macs. It even invented football and gave ‘em the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders. Now they were all girls, but that was before the US came up with new improved genders.
Not long after Texas joined the Union there was this war. It was a difference of opinion between the warmer regions of the country and the more properly dressed entrepreneurs in the more northern regions. Actually it was a discussion about the minimum wage. There was a contingent of folks in the south working for room and board.
So, there was this Great War. And those folks working for room and board got a new contract. Uh. . . nothing! Oh, somebody brought up forty acres and a mule, but, yet again there was a problem down at the Land Exchange and that didn’t close either. So all them folks had to move to Detroit.
Surprisingly Texas was left pretty much alone for a considerable amount of time while America manifested its destiny. And it manifested all the way to the Pacific Ocean! They would have gone further but they couldn’t speak Chinese. Meanwhile Texas was Building Back Better. Oh, sorry. Bad choice of words.
Anyway the Great Depression came along. Have you ever noticed that every time the US does something it has to be great. Even when they screw up. Great War, Great Depression. . . Great Pandemic. Makes you cringe when someone says he wants to make America great again.
Texans never really noticed the depression because they were still working for room and board. All except Bonnie and Clyde. They lived in tourist cabins. But Texas still had that National Identity. In Texas mentality there was always them and us! Us being Texans, and them being everybody else. Everyone was welcome. Well, all but folks from California because we all know how they are. But everyone else. Why hell yeah! Texas had open borders. Y’all come on down. Texas didn’t even have a border problem until the the Yankees told ‘em there was one. Heck . . . SOMEbody had to pick the fruit.
And people did come. Good weather, low taxes, and reasonable laws made The Lone Star State the promised land. Only problem was Texas was not The Lone Star State, and never had been. It was The Republic of Texas. An independent, free range country that would pay you just to leave it alone and let it sell you gas.
So, priority one became controlling Texas and not letting the now DisUnited States of America know that it had dropped the ball and Texas had given it to the Dallas Cowboys. But, Texas still acted like a separate country. Don’t like abortion, pass a law against it. Some pharmaceutical company won’t sell you the stuff needed for executions, use bleach. A man wants to marry a man? Get a rope!
As you can probably surmise, this attitude rubbed American progressives the wrong way. But, Texas didn’t listen. They held tightly to their guns, kids, and Willie Nelson. Texas avoids the term liberal. Any bunch of people that takes a track of land from a neighboring country, steals their flag from another, and eats rattlesnakes is just about as liberal as you can get if you properly define the word.
Then they took What A Burger, let some bunch in Chicago have it, and it became Was A Burger. There are somethings that are just nasty! Of all that has happened to Texas since 1845 that was the loss of Texas’ National Identity. What’s next? Schlotzsky’s? There are some things worth dying for!
Texas stands at a juncture. Will it will fight for its National Identity or join the crowd and learn Chinese? But, in the words of Sam Houston:
One day Texas will again raise its head among the nations!
About The Author: Bill the Butcher is the purveyor of The Butcher Shop which is a collection of independent writers ranging from journalists to op/ed, from conservative to liberal. Whatever cut of literary meat you prefer the Butcher Shop is here to serve. View all posts by The Butcher Shop
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