From the Desk of:
Department of Minitrue
Bureau of the Banana Republic
Office of the Closet Dictator
formerly known as the President of the Plethora of States
formerly known as America,
now known around the world as
The Village of Idiots
ANNOUNCEMENT AND DECLARATION OF THANKS
TO THE CORONA-BEER-[IT’S NOT]-US
Dear “Corona-Beer-[it’s not]-Us”,
On behalf of the Village of Idiots and entire staff in the list above, we want to thank you for your respect, cooperation and restraint in not infecting more members of the Village of Idiots.
We know that you are a fearsome and grotesque infectious and virulent disease the likes of which the world has never seen. Specifically, we know that you are airborne and super-microscopic in size [3 nano/nanos in length] and thus could penetrate the smallest weave and tightest surgical mask, but due to your self-restraint for these powerful deterrents of airborne particles, whenever you and your violent and deadly minions spot one of the Idiots wearing a surgical mask, your turn tail and run lest you experience the wrath of the Surgical Mask Force.
Also, we appreciate your cooperation in respecting these lines made with masking tape and painted on sidewalks. Without you showing self-restraint, we know that you just might find a way to go over the tape and attack one of the Village idiots. Corona, we are eternally grateful. [Pssst, by the way, a little tip, you know, just cause I like you, you can go around the tape and nobody will know that you actually infected them. Mum is the word, You and me, BFF].
Additionally, as you may have noticed, the Village of Idiots has now erected plastic barriers between the Village Idiots and cashiers at Wally World and other retail stores. Even though you are airborne and could, like a world class pole vaulter, leap over this plastic barriers easily, we sincerely appreciate it when instead of jumping over these plastic barriers and being disrespectful, you politely go around them and stealthily infect your unsuspecting Idiot, even though doing so might expose you to the Surgical Mask Force. But sometimes a virus has to do what a virus has to do. We completely understand.
Especially, we want to thank you for your restraint in not infecting any of the Idiots when they are further than six feet from you, thus you along with the Village of Idiots, are being courteous by keeping your “social distance.” Without your cooperation, the Matrix of Idiocy would not be possible.
Moreover, we want to thank you for infecting mostly really old people with multiple pre-existing morbid health conditions that were on their death bed. It boosts your image of being a “ fearsome and grotesque infectious and virulent disease” which is what we have been waiting for. In fact, to show our appreciation, from now on, we will code everyone that dies in the Village of Idiots, in fact, the whole world, as “caused by Corona”, in you honor. Even if someone is run over by a bus or a train, we will be sure to credit them to your wrath. We know this will really boost your image. Hey, what are friends for anyway.
Oh yeah, before I forget. We want to thank you for exposing the true nature of the Office of the Closet Dictator. We have had a sneaky suspicion that the Prez was a “Closet Dictator” hiding behind his “Executive Orders” and his blonde mane, just waiting to deprive the Idiots of the “right to work” and make sure that the Idiots fully understand, it is now a “privilege to work.” We work when we are given permission by El Chapo Presidente.
We have so many thanks to give that we may run out of space very quickly. However, we want to make sure that we express our thanks for exposing the true nature of the Village of Idiots which is shock full of wanna-be-dictators, from Wally World cashiers telling you to step behind the line, to City Mayors establishing curfews, to State Governors finally wielding dictatorial powers openly to pose themselves as the “Benefactors of Humanity.” Excuse for just a second, I have to wipe the tears from my eyes.
My dearest Corona, if I ever have a son I would want him to be just like you. If I ever have a daughter, I would want her to be just like you. In fact, in your honor, I intend to name all of my children and my dogs and cats, Corona 1-20 or more. Corona 1, Corona 2, Corona 3, like George Foreman, all of his sons named George. I love you Corona.
Just one tinsy, winsy complaint. You have shown me that I am a little bit like the cowardly Lion in the Oz Land. It’s a bit embarrassing, I did in fact turn the other cheek. Also, you have shown how easily I have learned to OBEY, OBEY AND OBEY SOME MORE. Yes, I know, who am I to complain when you have done so much for the whole world and the Village of Idiots. One more thing, not to be mean, could you do me the tiny little favor of killing my mother-in-law and father-in-law. I f@#cking hate them. Any way, they are like 90 + years old, and on their death bed, but this would additionally improve your image, you know, the one you like, of being a fearsome and grotesque infectious and virulent disease. While we are on the subject, I can’t stand my brother-in-law, would you mind doing me the favor? Oh shit, I almost forgot, my ex-wife, would you mind…….I hate to sound like a pest, but can I just email you my list? Or if you prefer, I can just text it. Just one thing, if you f@#ck with my girlfriend or me, I will keeeel you, @#$%.
Without your cooperation, the destruction of 50% of Small Businesses in the Village of Idiots would not have been possible. The Emergence of a One World Everything driven by the WHO, the CDC, Billy Gates, and the whole coterie of World Wanna-be-Dictators would not have been possible without your undying cooperation. We thank you for your service. Long Live Corona. We will see you in the Fall of 2020, episode 2, and don’t forget to invite the United Nations peacekeepers to march in our streets. Women love men in uniforms. “Come here, Soldier Boy, give me a smooch!” Long live Corona-Beer [it’s not]-Us.
Village of Idiots on behalf of the list above.
Notice from the Author
The above article is intended as Satire/Humor, any similarity to reality is … coincidental …
Any and all copyright restrictions are hereby lifted by the original author. This article may be copied, cited, and reproduced in part or in whole with no restrictions on copyright.
Rico S. Giron
About the TLB Contributing Author, Rico S. Giron: I have been writing and journaling non-professionally for 43 years. My adventures into personal literature began when I was 18 years old. My life has been an exploration and adventure in consciousness and philosophical meanderings …
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