Hang ‘Em High

by The Butcher Shop, a (TLB) Contributor 

I’ve been looking at mass shootings, but then haven’t we all? There seems to be four types. The first is the wild, random shooter. I call this guy the café or movie shooter. No stated purpose except a desire to shoot a bunch of folks. Luby’s, Colorado cinema, Las Vegas. This guy is just nuts. Shoots everything from little girls to puppy dogs, usually finishing with himself at the end. Then, there’s the hair. Look at the Colorado movie shooter. They are incoherent. Police are forever searching for a motive. There isn’t one. The shooter has usually been in therapy for years and high as a Georgia pine right up until he offs himself.

Then, there’s the school shooter. Young, dumb, and full of . . . well, excitement. Starts in the parking lot, proceeds to the office, then the hallways, classrooms and finally the library. If he doesn’t commit suicide the police will take care of his issue when they arrive. Columbine, Sandy Hook, Newtown.

Next comes the workplace shooter. Now, we begin to get more defined methods. Ex-employee, customer, or former owner. Religious nut mad at capitalism. You name it. While they can shoot wildly, the tend to target more. The motive is some real or imagined wrong. They are almost always killed very quickly.

The Big Box killer is highly specialized. Attention Walmart shoppers, there’s a special in the sporting section. This is the totally evolved killing machine. First, they look fairly normal. Next, they have a distinct target group. Gays in Florida, Mexicans in El Paso, etc. It’s a flip of the coin if they die or not, depending on how motivated their cause is. After they get their national platform they have a lot to say. After all, that’s what the shooting was all about. They tend to be loners, and that makes them hard to identify before the event. They like large stores because of the number of targets and those targets are “boxed” in.

These types aren’t rigid. The line can blur, like Charles Whitman being a wild random shooter mixed with a school event, but by and large they are separate. America doesn’t have a monopoly on these guys, but we tend to do it better than most other countries. Places like Russia, China, and North Korea don’t need mass killers because the government usually handles that job.

Let’s take each type and see what can be done to curb this national trend. Type number one, the nut. Like I said, he has usually been in therapy for a full minute, and may have even voiced his intentions to his therapist. So he gets loaded up with pills and ends up doing EXACTLY what he told his Shrink he would do. When the insane asylums were opened and all those wonderful people spilled into the streets, this guy mixed into the crowd. We need to go back to putting people like this back there, and KEEP them there! You want a Red Flag Law? I’ll give you one. If someone tells their doctor he intends to get on top of the University of Texas Tower and shoot up the commons he needs to go straight to ASH (Austin State Hospital) and STAY there until Jesus comes back! And I don’t want to hear anything from the ACLU! You love him so much, let him move in with YOU!

The school shooter. Secure the schools, and put an armed guard at the front door. School shooters tend to walk right in AFTER shooting up the parking lot. On what planet does that make any sense? No one should have access to any school without being let in by security who has the key to that bulletproof glass door. You guard your money at the bank don’t you? Guard your freaking kids! Or realize that maybe the little red schoolhouse has seen its day and go to internet homeschool, which is an up and coming thing anyway.

Workplace shooter. Take a tip from the banks. Get a guard, a mean one, not some doting old man supplementing his social security check. Keypads at doors would be nice. When you fire someone make a note of that, up to and including notifying the police. And, and this will rub some the wrong way, find out how many guns the guy has, and what kind! The people do have a right to keep and bear arms, but if your wife just left you because you got fired, and you own six AR15s with a footlocker full of 7.62X39 you are no longer a “people!” You are a danger to society!

The Big Box killer. This guy is a hard nut to crack, and you really get into civil liberties, not to mention our society where we expect to be able to run by the store. And you can’t just start picking people up because they look weird in the store. Ever look at shoppers at a Walmart around 2:00 AM? Armed guards aren’t the total answer here. You can’t shake down every shopper as they enter the store. Big Box stores try to create a friendly atmosphere conducive to getting you up off your money. That, and Big Box has something no other situation has. In all other scenarios the people are more or less stationary. Movies, schools, even workplaces. All basically just sitting there. In Big Box you have complete strangers milling around like they have good sense! The shots are fired and they run fifty different directions at once! Right in the middle is the shooter just blazing away. Shoot at THAT! Wyatt Earp couldn’t make that shot. So, what to do. This is going to irritate a lot of people. And I’m not contradicting myself. If you can’t make the people any safer then make the shooter UNSafe! Or at least make him FEEL unsafe. The right of the people to shop shall not be infringed! An armed society is a polite society. Gun free zones are not gun free. The active shooter has a gun. In the spirit of democracy I just think that everyone else should have one too. Or at least the shooter THINKS they might. I know, I know, all those bullets flying. In a Big Box active shooting the bullets are ALREADY flying. The object is to stop them!

These are just ideas. We already HAVE the situation, we NEED ideas. Of course gun control will take center stage, and video games, but you will still have mass shootings with the cops trying to explain just how the killer got the guns.

Then there’s the issue of what to do if the shooter is apprehended. Well, a fair and speedy trial, of course. Then a fair and speedy execution. Oh, within about thirty days. Appeal? Why! With security cameras, witnesses, not to mention his fingerprints and/or DNA all OVER the place. He can appeal to Jesus. He’ll be meeting him soon. Method? I suggest public hanging, complete with a preacher leading the songs and bring the kiddos. “Son, this is what you get when you shoot up a Walmart!” Hey, I’m from Texas!

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