They’ll Soon Shake Your Windows & Rattle Your Walls . . .

They’ll Soon Shake Your Windows & Rattle Your Walls . . .

Satire by: Bill the Butcher

Freedom of Speech

The Butcher Shop has always taken all comers. From Right Wing conservatives to “dead baby in every pot liberals.” As long as it was non-threatening and reasonably free of four letter words (That’s reasonably not totally) we would publish it. That’s what freedom of speech is all about. As the Prophet, Ralphie May once said, “Daddy don’t give you what you want, daddy gives you what you need!”

A little common sense

And what you need right now is a little common sense. There is a movement under way. You’ve seen it, though you didn’t know it. Times, the are a changing! Alex Jones was just the tip of the iceberg. Alex went from whack-a-doodle conspiracy theories to what he purported to be absolute facts! Then he super charged his lemmings to go out and shoot up the houses of parents who had lost their children in the greatest school shooting in American history. And you people called that freedom of speech!

The cost of being stupid

Now he’s tap dancing around a forty-two million dollar bar tab for being stupid! And gay frogs? Jesus Christ sitting next to God Almighty waiting on you to show up naked! Can you imagine all those little graves in Connecticut while some guy in Austin is calling the parents crises actors? Can you imagine the pain, and anguish in those homes? And that’s forever, folks. Forever! Most people see the loss of a parent, maybe a spouse, or close friend, but a child? Your child. One you dropped off at school that morning and rushed off because you were busy, and had things to do. And the last thing you heard them say was, “I love you mommy.” And you’ll never hear it again, or see their face, not even at their funeral because some monster shot them in the face. And now another monster in Austin says they never existed, and you are a crises actor. Some things we are not meant to survive, and death is welcome if for no other reason but oblivion. And that, my friends cost Alex Jones forty-two million dollars!

Conspiracy Cowboys

But, the disproportional anger generated by conspiracy cowboys such as Alex Jones can weigh heavily on those who had any part of our three year nightmare of viruses and masks. Shoot the messenger has become the order of the day as doctors, research scientists, and even medical personnel are descended upon by hoards of “patriots” seeking to silence them at the urging of social media pundits forgetting that these selfless professionals are as overworked, and as fearful as anyone and ignoring that the attacks on them can exact a terrible toll, just as it did with Lisa-Maria Kellermayr, an Austrian Doctor who took her own life when she couldn’t take anymore!

We should be mad as hell and not take it any more!

We should be mad as hell and not take it any more but we no longer absorb the news with discernment. We memorize sound bites. We laugh at memes. We hate on people for their religion, their political party, their choice of partners. We have red hats with MAGA on them. We form armed militias and expect Civil War 2.0. And our enemies are rolling in all of this like a dog in a dead armadillo. They couldn’t beat us in World War I or II. Their paper mache economies collapsed during the Cold War. Now Russia and China are heading like wild hogs for the abyss, but they have one hope left. If they can just keep us arguing among ourselves about who’s screwing who they just might have a chance to spread the ideas some Kraut published in 1867 that has caused to death of millions of people. When we stand together nobody can beat us. When we don’t . . . well, we all hang separately!

Save your Confederate money boys!

I was going to give you examples of systemic racism in America, but there’s just too damn much of it, and I have to keep this article under fifteen hundred words so then there’s that. There was an article today concerning the firing of a black female police chief in Charlottesville. Save your confederate money boys, the great reset’s just around the corner! The Civil War’s been over for what, one hundred and fifty seven years, and there’s still idiots out there who wave the Confederate battle flag. I guess in another century their great grandkids will still be wearing their MAGA hats, but what do I know? I’m just a simple ol’ boy from Austin.

It’s not that I’m not a patriot. I do believe in America, albeit a bit more in Texas, but I do like Maine Lobsters so long as they don’t come from China. The point that I’m trying to make is that you can use just as much brain power worrying about that gay couple buying a house in the neighborhood as you can about the guy with an AR-15 going into one of your schools for a little target practice. Bada Bing Bada WTF?

This is not even a hard article to write

This is not even a hard article to write because we’re so stupid! When the new tax legislation passed I actually got a text saying Well, the Congress won again! Didn’t any of you people (Yeah, I just said that) ever take Civics in high school. I did, and I graduated from high school in Killeen, Texas, which is as ignorant as you can get, and they still let you drive a car by yourself! Even I know what Of the people, by the people, and for the people means. I’ve had people ask me why Donald Trump didn’t fire Nancy Pelosi, or why is AOC is even allowed in Congress? I crappith thee not! 

They’re just playing by the rules we set

Most Millennials can’t read with anything like comprehension. And ZGen? Oh, don’t get me started. Do you want to know what their solution for the border crises might look like? ZGen 101: No walls! Not even a barb wire fence. Just let them Mexicans in. Then reinstitute slavery! There’s work to do! The Zs never even knew we had a constitution. Much less read it. But, it’s not their fault. They’re just playing by the rules we set. You did this, Millennials! You gave us the children of the corn!

That Kingdom is good because most people are good

There are problems yet to be solved. Always have been. There are opinions that are hard to swallow. Gotta take it with a little whiskey. But, there are things that are unbelievable. So don’t believe them. Believe in yourselves, not some talking head on the news. The Kingdom of God is within you! It’s within each one of us. You could have seen it had you only looked. That Kingdom is good because most people are good. And there are more of us than there are of them. Of the people . . .


For Tess



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3 Comments on They’ll Soon Shake Your Windows & Rattle Your Walls . . .

  1. Dude, you speak so ineloquently of the ignorance and intolerance of others, yet you spew vehemently and violently your OWN ignorance and intolerance of whomever YOU don’t agree with!!! But, you’re an Austinite, and Texans not from Austin laugh at Austinites for their well-known – and, now I see definitively – divorce from reality. This is very likely the last of your columns I’ll read. You could have written this opinion piece in such a way to really make a difference – but, no – this piece only expounds and expands the ignorance, labelling, and intolerance. Sad.

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