How The West Was Lost

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Commentary/Satire by Bill the Butcher

“The first thing we do, let’s kill all the lawyers” is a line from William Shakespeare Henry VI, Part 2, Act IV, Scene 2 It is among Shakespeare’s most famous lines so, against advice of council I decided to begin this article with it.

You will not find better advice anywhere, yea, not even in the Book of Mormon. Can I get an Amen?

Yesterday the much-vaunted Vladimir Putin, locally known as RasPutin of late for his adventures in Ukraine, opened his mouth and ejaculated saying “The West is burning from the inside out.” I hate to admit it, but the Russkie might have stumbled upon something here. Yea yea, so you say.

America was declared independent on July 4 1776, but that was just the divorce proceedings. The property settlement, better known as The Constitution, was a four-page PostIt Note drafted long about September 17, 1787. It was arrived at behind closed doors by a snobbish men’s club known as The Continental Congress which only goes to show that no matter how much things change the more they stay the same. Case in point: We still don’t have an accurate account of how many shooters were on the famous grassy knoll when Lyndon hit the floorboard of his car after he heard the first pop.

After that, nine states ratified it long about June 21, 1788, putting it into effect on March 4 of the same year. After that the first Congress was seated and George Washington ascended to the pulpit. Before the cock crowed three times the first lawyer to cross the American BAR suited up, showed up and he and his brethren have been counting commas in the venerated document ever since. And the American Dream began its spiral descent into propensity of law leading us to how the West was lost!

The so-called “Wild West” wasn’t as wild as the Dime Novels of the late 1800’s would have you believe. Not that the ambition wasn’t there, but the population wasn’t. Think about it. Some snotty nose kid shoots a sheriff with a shotgun and one hundred and forty-four years later they’re still talking about “Billy the Kid” In addition to that the legend has it that he didn’t really die at Fort Sumner New Mexico he died of old age in Salado Texas, or that’s what the lady at the Billy the Kid Memorial Souvenir Shop told me. That’s some Elvis crap right there!

No, this is not about how the American West was “won,” this is about how the western hemisphere was, or soon will be lost! It all began with the perversion of simple morality. Then the degrading of the work ethic. From there the morphing of millionaires into billionaires and the reduction of names to numbers. Fundamentalist Christians are all about trying to find “The Mark of the Beast.” And it’s those silly-ass three sixes. From tattoos on hands and foreheads to serial numbers on vacuums, they pass right by credit cards, social security numbers, driver license numbers, and/or any assigned computerized bar code on their windshield that any state cop can scan with that little pen in his pocket that will tell him everything they ever did since birth! There’s a six in there somewhere, I guess.

We went from Eight O’clock Coffee to Sanka in one easy swoop and convinced ourselves it tasted just as good. Gearshifts became automatic transmissions, a taxi became an Uber, and kids’ report cards became emails. And finally, wait for it, Rowe Screwed Wade and 63,459,781 dead babies later the Supreme Court said, “Ooops! Our bad. Here. You can have your babies back. And you’re pissed off about 6,000,000 Jews? America’s baby killing boom was proof positive that God is running low of fire and brimstone. But at least the right to life and death adversaries could at least make a baby, wanted or not because right after that it was lawyered before the same “Supreme” Court up that anyone can marry anyone. Men can marry men, women can marry women, and tigers can marry chairs. Then, as the cherry on top, sorry, bad choice of words, the tail began to wag the dog and we were blessed with the LBTGQ and sometimes A with the additional touch of pronouns. You couldn’t even SAY the word “Queer” under penalty of law. And that, ladies and gentlemen is the internal fire Putin was referring to. Makes Ukraine seem like a stroll in the park huh?

America is the leader of the free world. Or the reasonably free world that is becoming less free by the day. So goes America so goes the West and America’s heartland is having a heart attack. This is that “tail wagging the dog” syndrome I was telling you about. Most people will go along to get along. Back in the day a two-cent tax on tea could lead to a revolutionary war whereas the government being unable to even pay its bills with its Monopoly Money barely gets mentioned on the news. Any news! They’re too busy chasing call girls at parties at Mar-A-Lago. I didn’t say your name Stormy. You can’t sue me. And it’s not that nobody cares it’s just that they’ve seen so much that, well, nobody cares. “Wolf has been cried so much nobody notices all the mutts around.

The majority of people are good people. They want to pay their bills, raise their kids, and live until they die. Then there’s them that push the envelope. Until the envelope is all there is, and that, boys and girls, is the degradation of America which will bleed over to the West and that’s how the West will be lost. So, what to do?

Make America Great Again. There! I said it. What’s wrong with that? What’s wrong with being the strong leader of the free world again? Russia wants to lead the East, fine. Let them duke it out with the Chinese. Every time we go somewhere where we don’t belong, we lose just a little bit more of our credibility. Korea, Vietnam, Iraq, Libya, need I go on? We’re to the point where we need to save ourselves before it becomes every man for himself, and in some areas of Detroit, Chicago, Houston and L.A. it’s already there. The pandemic completely ruined our school system and destroyed all faith in our government’s leadership ability. Folks, they tried to sell us Monkeypox! Freaking MONKEYpox! How stupid can we be? They chased God out of our schools and let the active shooters in. Back when I was in elementary school all we had to dodge was a few tornadoes. Now they’re telling us we have super tornadoes, super viruses and superseding common sense. All because of global warming. So, what’s wrong with reining this nonsense in and making America great again? Better get it right because Vladimir ain’t gonna play with you, and he don’t care what pronoun you are.

Make a Ford and a Chevy last ten years like it should!

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