Satire by: Bill the Butcher
What are the odds of an organization, organism, or orangutan being systematically wrong one hundred percent of the time? I give you the US Government!
Let’s talk about the pandemic. COVID sprang upon the public consciousness long about 2019. There were many name changes. Remember when we called it Corona? Then Rona, The 19, COVID 19, before finally settling on COVID-19 (Don’t forget the dash) but you couldn’t say that on Facebook or they’d censor it. Like it was gonna go away if you didn’t use the right pronoun. Go figure!
Then entered the venerable Doctor Fauci. I even bought into his line of reasoning. It started with three simple rules: Wash your hands, wear a mask, and avoid crowds. Then there were certain “tweeks” to make sure we were safe. Stay home, don’t go to the store, cancel Thanksgiving, Christmas, birthdays, Yom Kippur and close the schools just for starts. Our kids were now being taught by day drinkers!
Then we were divided into two camps. Masked and unmasked. This was in preparation of the rollout of the vaccine being developed by Pepsi Cola after many hours of testing on eight very special rats. Two rats died and in the spirit of Judge Roy Bean the government announced, “Good Enough, HANG ‘EM!”
Good Enough! HANG ‘EM!
Some cast a jaundiced eye at such a hastily prepared shot, but a large majority took the “Jab.” I lovingly refer to them as pricks. The result being six year olds, athletes, movie stars and more than few soldiers began to drop dead of old age, and anyone connecting the dots was labeled a conspiracy theorist!
Then they came out with boosters. One, two, three, more! A jab to protect you from the jab. And if that ain’t the Bull Dog Clap I’m not a white boy from Austin! Come to think of it being a white boy from Austin was then deemed to be illegal. Had to have a little Arapaho or something in the DNA to become a card carrying member of The Woke Folks. By the way, in reference to those boosters, doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result is one of the definitions of insanity. Jus’ Sayin’.
One by one the COVID cards come tumbling down. The stats were so skewed that a lot of reporting entities just stopped reporting. Was it COVID or a cold? Then the schools opened back up. I thought that was a good idea. If the government predictions were accurate putting all the kids in a crowded building would develop herd immunity. Hey, they see us as sheeple, why not let us run in herds? Then thin the herd. But there weren’t any outbreaks of death in the schools, if you discounted active shooters.
And the kids don’t learn anything in public schools anyway outside of Critical Race Theory, New Math, and how to select the proper gender. And after all that they can’t fry an egg, use the right restroom and believe we landed on the sun in 1969! In retrospect I had to walk three miles to and from school, fighting alligators both ways. My memory may be clouded at my age. But, in Japan the kids clean the school. No custodians. Amish kids graduate the eighth grade and go to work right after the wedding. American kids? Well, I’m just gonna leave them right there. They can’t even catch COVID right.
I don’t have the time to itemize all the screw-ups the government has blessed us with. Just look at the alphabet soup: FBI, CIA, IRS, CPS, and you pay these people! If all the above were no longer around anymore can you imagine how much money could be saved! And would you miss ‘em? Just look at the more ridiculous achievements of each:
FBI: Chased a renegade school teacher talking into their sleeves while he was screwing his way across the country, with his 15 year old student girlfriend until he got caught by a local sheriff and an old hippie out in California.
CIA: The Chinese are spying on us with balloons now! Sit down!
IRS: Hired what? Eighty-seven thousand ARMED investigators because you might claim your dog as a dependent?
CPS: Now we might need this one to protect us from the results of public schools.
The title of this article is What Are The Odds? What are the odds of getting everything wrong. Never forget the words of the Prophet Ronald Reagan:
“The nine most dangerous words in the English language are – I’m from the government, and I’m here to help!”
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