Have You Got Your Library Card?

Have You Got Your Library Card?

Satire by: Bill the Butcher

There was a raid on former President Trump’s home Monday by agents of the FBI. I want to point to the word raid. All the news agencies have used that term. The FBI no longer conducts investigations, it executes raids. And it raids ex-presidents so you know our stuff’s in the wind.

We have to put a bridle on the jackass of liberalism

Now, before I continue I’d like to serve notice on all those with inquiring minds out there that I’m going to be dealing with speculation, theory, and a fair amount of second guessing here. The playing field has changed for op/ed writers like me a couple of days ago in Austin, Texas. The level of proof was raised to the height of a submission for the consideration of a Pulitzer Prize! We have to put a bridle on the jackass of liberalism. While, as I so aptly said, I do not agree with Alex Jones’ testament of the Sandy Hook situation, on what planet does a forty million dollar judgement make any sense at all? I’m sorry your kids got shot. We have kids getting shot in Texas, and all kinds of speculations are floating around concerning that day. I’m guilty of a few, myself, but, unlike Alex, I tend to dodge active shootings, and I dodge them or a particular reason. I’ve seen three! Charles Whitman, George Hennard, and Nidal Hasan. To call these anything but what they were is sheer folly. And to try to weave the event into some multi layered conspiracy theory is exponentially folly. It just is! But, people have a right to reach for understanding. And they have a right to talk, or write about those speculations. If we don’t get a handle on this crucifixion of the First Amendment you will see the day when everything you think, do, and say will be under the microscope of government control. And that’s all I’m gonna say about that!

Have you ever been to a presidential library. Every president wants to preserve his legacy. A deposit of documents that record the who, what, where, and when of his time in office. The volume boggles the mind. When you enter the LBJ library in Austin, and proceed to the other end of the building, past all the exhibits, turn, and look up you are confronted with several floors of documents. Long isles of two ring binders, all neatly arranged in rows in aisles disappearing in the distance. All available for examination by law students from the nearby University of Texas, historians, and writers to use in the understanding of just what happened during the administration of Lyndon Johnson.

Have I got a bridge for you, and it’s on sale!

How did these documents get there? Do you think Johnson himself sorted every PostIt note? For that matter, is it even conceivable that someone from the National Archives, or even a copyright lawyer lent a hand during the choosing of said items? If you do have I got a bridge for you, and it’s on sale! Forget that. A two for one sake. I’ll throw in The Golden Gate for free! You know they didn’t!

Every letter, every note, every gum wrapper

Johnson knew that he was not going to be re-elected. He’d already told everyone to take that job and shove it. He had months to prepare his move home to Texas. All organized, all on point, and still a tremendous task of where goes what? The security of items and records, the actual planning of the building just off I-35, and personal notes and records that had nothing to do with anyone or anything except the Johnson family. But, as Johnson made his way to his last round up no one dared to question, or impede the process. Now, every letter, every note, every gum wrapper is of upmost importance to the National Archives via the FBI. Don’t you wanna know why?

It’s because after the Russian investigation, the inspection of every green on every golf course, the big scandal about the grave of his ex-wife and the locker room joke that floated up during his first run for the presidency, the only thing the anti Trumpers have left is the hope that somewhere in that safe is a note from Trump from January 6th directing all those wingnuts to run over to the Capitol and overthrow the government.

Tampon Politics

The opposition has made a very big deal out of Trump’s tearing up papers. First off, if he tore papers up then it stands to reason that those papers wouldn’t be stored anywhere, right? If they were they would have to occupy an entire floor of a proposed library, adjacent to storage of all of Ivanka’s used tampons. Hey! Any bunch of idiots who think that a five year old can pick their own sex wouldn’t balk at tampon investigations. Tearing up contacts and throwing them up in the air is what Real Estate brokers do! I’ve swept many of them up, myself.

Now, I’m not going to venture into what was found or will be found at Mar-a-Lago, or what it may imply. According to the news report linked above, my understanding that Trump, his agents and assigns were cooperating with the National Archives up to, and including putting padlocks on the rooms where said documents were being kept. And I will say for the record that any of these documents that may have been removed still have to stand up to the scrutiny of those charged with deciding as to the importance and placement of said documents. Does it go here, does it go there, do we put it with the tampons? I ask you to look with understanding of motive. What is the real reason the FBI charged into Mar-a-Lago without a club card? They did it because folks like Liz Cheney and Adam Schiff realize that Donald Trump’s second bid for The White House is viable! As the rallies grow, and the success of Trump-supporting candidates are flexing their political muscle it becomes apparent that in 2024 there will be a new sheriff in town. Or rather a returning one. Sort of like Wyatt Earp’s vendetta ride on the Cowboys after the death of his brother. And, the January 6th committee has to find something in that room. In that safe, because they can hear the Thunder of the hooves. It’s throw down time.

They will be up Schitt Creek!

If the House, or the Senate flips at midterm, or both, it will be the precursor of Trump’s return, and Liz and Adam know that they will be up Schitt Creek! The FBI is sitting right now looking at a bunch of boxes filled with papers. And they have to sift through every one of them. Every document. Every gum wrapper. Every tampon. These are the guys who couldn’t catch a horny school teacher and his student girlfriend. And if they find nothing they have to explain it to the judge that sent them.

Bottom line! This is all about discrediting Trump. It’s straw-grabbing time, but now careers are up for grabs. And this is not conspiracy theories. This is facts. Real public statements, real raids, and real political intrigue. And Trump. Well, he’s not building his presidential library yet because he’s not through yet. Still got four more years of documents to gather for those long aisles. Have you got your library card?



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