Whisky Anyone?

Whisky Anyone?

Satire: Bill the Butcher

The Western Mind will never comprehend the Middle East. Mentality has evolved since Moses chiseled those commandments on those tablets and told a captive crowd “God did it!” When asked at what stage did we become human an archaeologist said when we found a healed femur thereby proving that someone took care of someone who was no longer of any use to them. The femur healed. Sadly, we have been devising new ways to break femurs ever since, and new ways to charge for the healing.

God made man, man made religion, and religion made theology. There was no Adam and Eve. There was the first primate who became self-aware, and began to reflect on death. Before that death was just a sleep from which there is no awakening. The apple was not the problem in the garden of Eden. It was after Eve ate the mushrooms off the bark of the apple tree that the snake started talking. Snakes don’t talk, folks . . .Google it!

If there is a God so great that He can create the cosmos and set it twirling in motion, do you not think that He had some kind of plan? There are things in the Bible that ring true.

Then God said, “Let us make mankind in our image, in our likeness, so that they may rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky, over the livestock and all the wild animals, and over all the creatures that move along the ground.”

And God said, “I built it, YOU run it!” Time and time again Jesus used parables to describe the working relationship between masters and managers. Even when a manager is crooked the master may say, “Hey! That was cool. Think I’ll keep you!”

People pray for better weather with icicles growing from their upraised palms, and never build a fire. They contract COVID because they refuse to stay away from the rock concert, and people are presently dying because God and Allah have conflicting views about land ownership.

Suffice to say we are bad managers. We are not healing femurs. We are just shaved apes. But, all three of the world’s largest religions swear by those immortal words carved by that old Jew on that mountain top so many years ago. “Thou shalt not kill!” Unless it’s a Mormon and he has a spare wife around the house. And the Jews don’t eat pork because they’re allergic to BBQ sauce. Arabs shy away from BBQ, too because they can’t fit a camel in a New Braunfel’s Smoker.

So, YHWH told the Jews to take what they call Israel for their own and Allah told the Arabs that they had a clear title. And they’re both thinking that God’s gonna sort it all out while they both run amuck breaking femurs. Children’s femurs. And the world wrings it’s hands like a bunch of old women at a PTA meeting. YHWH v Allah. Olympians v Titans. Think about that. Take all the time you need. My invisible guy in the sky can whip your guy in the sky. But first we’ll get all the rug salesmen down at the market. That’ll teach them! Swat them bees and shave them apes.

And the so-called Christians. I say so-called because they wait patiently for the Second Coming while ignoring everything Jesus said during the first one. And in the words of the prophet Kris Kristofferson, “Reckon may just nail Him up if He come down again.”

And they all claim to be a religion of peace. They all evangelize because they, and only they have “The Truth!” The Truth is whatever you believe. That’s your truth. If there is a judgement day you will find THE truth. From the author of Truth. From the force that said, “Be!” And here we are. But our stewardship is far from perfect. If the Jews kill all the Palestinians or vice versa, do you think the trouble in the Middle East will be over? Au Contrairé. There’s oil in them thar hills and sorry to say but electric cars don’t make it. Can we pollute the planet out of existence? Probably not, but we can pollute US out. And the rabbits, fish, and hairy apes are not gonna miss us. Neither will God, YHWH, Buddha or any of the above chosen to forgive our unforgivable sins.

Whiskey anyone?

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