Seven Words You Can’t Say In Public

Seven Words You Can’t Say In Public

Commentary by: Bill the Butcher 

Back in the last century, before the Big Bang a comedian did a routine called Seven Words You Can’t Say on Television. First things first. Television. There was a time when there was a device, usually situated in the living room, formally known as the parlor where grandma would lie in state after she’d gone on to her reward, or reckoning, whichever the case may be, that family would gather around and watch for entertainment. And while this device, known as Television, was profoundly more entertaining than watching granny swell up there were some rules and expectations that people came to expect and accept in order to invite this miracle of technology into their home.

First off, the entertainment itself was totally in control of studios in New York. Entities such as NBC, CBS, or BBC held sway over what flickered when the sun went down. There wasn’t any “streaming.” The programs streamed when the purveyors SAID they streamed. If you had a favorite show you had to be front and center at New York’s favorite time.

The subject matter of the productions was basically a spin off of the old radio days where people would crowd around THAT device and listen to audio renditions of various shows. Television was substantially easier. Radio required something called cognition where the listener had to put the story together in their mind from the audio stream in order to understand the story line, an ability outlawed long about 1957.

Television required none of that nonsense. It was more of an “in your face” sort of thing that required very little understanding of the English language. To finance this endeavor was an invention known as the commercial that became an art form in and of itself. And as i will show later regulation of the content of the advertisements was in control of Wall Street rather than Broadway. The seven forbidden words did not include such as Hexaclorophene, a floor cleaner used in toothpaste. I crappith thee not. The commercial for toothpaste would feature some pretty girl dancing around her bathroom (sans commode) brushing her teeth to the sound of other pretty girls singing “Hexa hexa hexaclorophene!” And these advertisements came every fifteen minutes as surely as death and taxes with a long one on the half hour and a doozy on the hour!

But there were restrictions on language. Those seven words were carved, or rather not carved in stone. The soul of Amerika was firmly protected by the soulless men and women of Madison Avenue. Clark Gable might not have given a “damn” down at the Strand Theater, but he damn sure did on channel three!

Part of this menagerie of understanding was the seven words you could never say on television. Desiring to have this article published, I will not quote these words here. Suffice to say they are the epitome of vulnerability that only a New York intellectual such as George Carlin could devise. The sauce of every barroom conversation where men were having quality time away from the wife and kids.

And this rule has remained until today with such colloquialisms remaining banned and only allowing a few sons of bitches to slip by which technically speaking were not included in the seven invocations anyway. That particular word got a pass in the acceptance of equality and the allowing the inclusion of bitches populating the feminist movement. That having been said even I had to homogenize it when giving a speech at the Capitol in Austin while referring to Ken Paxton and saying that when he got home that night I hoped that his mother would run from beneath the porch and bite him.

Humanity is always looking for new methods of self-expression. As the walls of censorship shifted although the secret seven remained relatively constant a new group of words rose to prominence. It wasn’t a great announcement or comic routine that heralded their arrival but a delicate insidious slithering of the disintegration of values. Slowly there was a new list. Seven words you “should” never say in public.

These are words that for no reason auto correct would never correct. You must figure it out yourself. Some words wouldn’t even auto complete, especially if said word was some protected class or pronoun deemed to be the exclusive property of some movement or psychological misunderstanding. As a writer I have encountered these words and learned to either maneuver around them or learned alternate spellings to confound the social police abounding in almost every crevice of our society.

These seven words are:

God, Jesus, Family, boy, girl, work, and white.

God and Jesus are separate but the same. I could include Holy Spirit but once you get rid of God and Jesus the Holy Spirit is an understanding. These have been replaced by other understandings such as evolution and gender. That God hole must be filled! Boy and girl? Since we have gender by choice the words are now useless. Dolls and cap guns are a thing of the past. Work? The very idea of earning your daily bread? Life is a bowl of cherries and toothpicks are free. Why work? If you’re going to have to slave over a hot computer it may as well be in pursuit of someone you will never meet, and besides that, masturbation is good for the prostrate. Family. How many daddies? How many mommies? Or is there a daddy-mommy in any configuration at all? And since children are an intrusion anyway why even consider the results of the lack of balanced guidance. If there are any children at all. Is the blessed even in mommy’s arms, or a bedpan. My baby my choice! And white! I’m even scared to write it. The ultimate endangered species. White folk. There are African Americans, Mexican Americans, anything but white Americans. Brings new meaning to the old saying, “Called me everything but a white man!” Almost every Caucasian will claim mixture with anything else to deny being just plain ol’ white folks. Even to the point of changing history or giving Henry VIII an Afro.

The sanitizing of our society is in full swing. With the disappearance of words will go the elimination of the understanding, social structures, and finally the people themselves. And soon we will have the perfect society with no history, no laughter, and no love. The planet of the apes!

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