One Tik of the Tok

Commentary/Satire by Bill the Butcher

You know it’s funny at how we think everything is going to change with one tick of the clock on a certain day because some Pope said so according to a calendar that he invented back in 1582. And the uninformed believe that we, as a planet end up in the same cosmic location where we found ourselves the previous year when that couldn’t be farther from the truth. Millions of miles from the truth, actually.

While a good many people picture our solar system as being eight or nine planets orbiting the sun on a relatively flat plane that is fairly stationary in its location they completely fail to take in the fact that the sun itself is orbiting a black hole at the center of our galaxy which is proceeding helter-skelter at a dizzying speed from the starting point of the universe which may or may not be orbiting other universes which, which, which . . .

So, as you can very easily surmise it is impossible for us to be in exactly the same spot as we were at this time last year no matter what that silly ball does in Times Square because instead of these aforementioned planets looking like that synchronized mechanical model in your high school science class they are more like a swarm of killer bees chasing our host star across the cosmos! Anyway, Happy New Year.

All of that having been said, the indexing of numbers gives us some kind of reference point from which we can stumble blindly through the fog as if we made or will ever make a difference to this conglomeration that we find ourselves flying through like seven or eight billion bats out of hell. Yet fly we must. If we didn’t and began to see ourselves as we truly are the very complexity of a single atom would overwhelm us. While I’m on that thought have you noticed the design of that atom as compared to our own solar system and the shape of our galaxy are remarkably similar? Asking for a friend.

Jimmy Carter died recently. And I’ll assure you his replacement was born at that precise moment in time. Not that Jimmy wasn’t a cool dude, but the world is full of cool dudes and some not so cool. But coolness is subjective. One man’s meat is another man’s poison. The love of someone’s life is someone’s ex, and the best way to get over anything is the word, “Next!” The people in North Korea think Won Hung Lo is a cool dude. And the population of Russia thought Putin was the cat’s pajamas until Zelenskyy used his head for a mop and his butt for a broom. That’s my theory of relativity.

And my theory of life.

Because with all this so-called science or religion or philosophy at any given moment the sun could burp, blow all the air off this rock we call home and leave us choking for oh, about four minutes, so you need to go ahead and buy her a drink. Who knows. You just might get lucky.

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