Deez Z’s

Deez Z’s

Commentary/Satire by: Bill the Butcher

I was sitting on the back porch smoking a very politically incorrect cigarette thinking about the state of the nation, which frankly, there isn’t one. Years of liberal thought, denial, and the degradation of anything resembling a moral code has given us a bizarre world where the rules changed from “one size fits all” to no size fits any. At seventy-two it makes a baby boomer such as myself appreciate the time running out for those of my generation, soon to be replaced by something called “The ‘Z’s.

Psychologists of late have labeled generations and assigned character traits to each one in order to try and understand the historical ramifications in order to plot the possible course of future generations as political correctness takes its toll. The most recent group is the Z’s. Now my granddaughter tried to school me on the micro generations out there, but I will ignore those who didn’t make the cut, and focus on the ones that survived long enough to overlap.

When you look at it on the surface the label “Z” invokes images of a feeling of finality, or the end result. The ultimate result of the evolution of a species, a concept, or, in this case, what I call “The Children of the Corn. It all began in 1946.

Baby Boomers

Accordingly, certain characteristics have been assigned to the generations of the twentieth century. Before that there was “slave,” and “not slave,” but Mr. Lincoln said you couldn’t own people anymore, however the 14th Amendment made it acceptable to rent them. Again I will remind you that I have lumped them into three in order to reduce them to a manageable number, lest we fall into the same quagmire as the sociologists found while attempting to identify genders.

Baby Boomers were industrious, born after World War II, which was referred to as the “war to end all wars.” I find it interesting to note that the same terminology was applied to World War I when it supposedly ended all wars and that causes one to ask, if that one was the war to end all wars why did they have to give it a number? Why? So they could file World War II correctly, of course. Same logic as gender research; manageable numbers. Subsequent micro-wars, ie wars without the proper genocide, have shown most definitely that the wars to end all wars have not ended any wars, and the advent of the nuclear age the new plan is to obviously generate a War to End All People. The dinosaurs had a comet, we had Oppenheimer!

Being the posterity of the survivors of such a war, and raised on the sage advice of depression era grandparents, the Boomers were “Open for business!” Any business. From instant coffee to automatic transmissions. That brings to mind the question: If they were so innovative how come they didn’t come up with a way to run all them big ass fossil fueled cars on them split atoms they were so proud of? Asking for a friend.

But the Boomers did give us the “Free Love” movement of the 60s. While love may have been free, divorces cost a pretty penny, or not so pretty depending upon the child support, so they just did away with marriage and started shacking up. This is the paradox of gay marriage. They weren’t allowed to tie the knot ergo there was no divorce in gay relationships. Just leave, find a new partner. No court cost, no property settlement and no KIDS! The perfect life. But no! They wanted to be like their heterosexual friends. Why should they be happy? From there the Boomers chased God out of schools, grew their hair out, and forbade cigarettes in cafes. All that free love left us was the Millennials!


When you live in a plastic world it is only logical that you populate it with plastic people. The Millennials took the Beatles and gave us Michael Jackson. The kid might not have been his son, but they had sure as hell been in his bed. Yeah yeah yeah the “King of Pop” was acquitted. But then, was OJ! The greatest contributor to justice in the early twenty-first century was the doctor who walked out of the room allowing Michael to administer his own meds.

The moniker “Millennial” conjures images of the Thousand Year Reich, something built to last that was solid, stable, and stalwart. Oh, they gave us plastic and if you look at the oceans you will see that was rather permanent. And they gave us many important innovations. UNI-sex, AIDS, and Bill Clinton. They grew old gracefully, and even came up with assisted suicide for the “graceful” exit to the land of no god. Oh, they did “religiously” follow their horoscope, the first amendment secured that, but they just couldn’t read the writing on the wall.

During the era of the Millennials there were still three genders. Men, women, and those other guys. Gay rights became an issue and people had more freedom to express their attraction to whatever suited their fancy, or not so fancy whichever the case may be. In Texas, however, men were men, women were women, and sheep were nervous. But due to all the moral decay these living dildos found enough fruitful unions to give us THE Z’s!

The Z’s

The Z’s are just playing by the rules the two previous generations set with a few minor adjustments. Uh, they just ignored everything and made up their own rules. The Boomers gave us beatniks, the Z’s gave us ANTIFA, kinda like that.

Example: We have a border problem. Political divisions aside, can we at least agree on that much? Many debates, dollars and days have been spent trying to figure out why Mexicans have a pretentious inclination for swimming rivers, climbing walls and digging tunnels. If you will note, in almost every episode of Dora the Explorer she “explores” how to get across some river. Is that racist enough for ya?

Well, the Z’s will handle that problem quite industriously when the political torch is passed to them. First of all they will take DOWN all fences, walls and any other obstacles that would impede easy entry into the United States. After an almost unanimous vote in the halls of the Z-Gress a bill will be passed that reinstates slavery. Come to America all you brown people yearning to be free. Pick up that shovel and follow me. One day you will be free, but we’ll have to have another civil war to work that out. And since there’s an open border now, we can just replace Puerto Rico with Mexico and call it a day.

I find the Z philosophy to be refreshing. It’s a little rough around the edges but the girls are cute and like athlete’s foot you’ll get used to it.

There was a grandmother. She tortured her own children until they got smart enough to run away from home and then she tortured their children. Always under the guise of morality, there was no reasoning with her.

Time and health caused her to have to live with her daughter as the Grim Reaper waited at the door. As she languished, watching The PTL Network she made sure her daughter’s children were schooled in the very worst part of her Catholic Faith. They weren’t allowed to use HER silverware, eat at the table or play anywhere but in the damp, cold basement.

As it does for all, death came a knocking one night. There was no one beside her bed save one granddaughter who dutifully held her hand until her eyes glazed over and she went to her, reward.

The granddaughter’s act of sitting by a dying old woman during her last hour was lauded by the family as a graphic demonstration of Christian love.

One afternoon the little girl found herself on the back porch cleaning up the deck when the preacher came by and watched the girl work for a few minutes. After a bit the preacher began to talk.

He told her how impressed he was by her kindness to an elderly woman during her last moments of life when all the others had abandoned her and fled to avoid the grim reality of life and death and having to wash the sheets and yet she had remained! He expounded on the things that he’d seen during his ministry and how she had naturally gravitated to give comfort to someone who had given so much during her life and could now give nothing in return for this girl’s final act of kindness during her dying hour.

He took her hand and told her that even the simple act of grasping her hand showed inner strength and love as the old hand went limp in hers. With a tear in his eye, he looked at the little girl and asked her how she had summoned the strength to do such a noble thing?

And the little girl looked at him with an expression similar to Megan from the movie and said, “I did that to make sure that mean old bitch was dead!”

God Bless the Z Generation!



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